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A Place For Friendly And Supportive Conversations Between Over 30 Adults

2013.08.21 15:40 ripster55 A Place For Friendly And Supportive Conversations Between Over 30 Adults

AskMenOver30 is a place for supportive and friendly conversations between over 30 adults.
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2009.09.15 17:08 aagee Therapy from the Hivemind

Seek therapy from the Reddit hivemind for your real or imagined glitches of the head. A thick skin is recommended.
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2009.07.12 23:14 sensical socialskills

A place to share your favorite social skills tips, ask for advice, or offer encouragement to others on their social skills journey. Welcome aboard!
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2020.10.28 03:31 Harsh_Desai24 Pls help.

I live in India I am boy and, I am in 10th grade. I want to focus on my studies but i cant, i constantly keep on thinking about girls. Even though i am not interested to date anyone. I am addicted to watch F1 racing i cant even miss a single session. I want to focus on my studies but i cant get rid of these thoughts and addiction. Pls help me
submitted by Harsh_Desai24 to Advice [link] [comments]


2020.10.28 03:31 DangerDaskov Guess this really is the end and I need to accept the truth

I just want to start off by saying that I've never been the best at moving on or accepting a rejection and I've even found myself struggling with negativity that others may show towards me especially from another person who I have strong feelings for because I rather show more love towards someone and somehow expect that same amount back. Aswell, I tend to look at the minor things and make a big deal out of them sorta like them doing this little thing shows that they like me or something along the lines. Besides that I want to vent this all out regardless but im not sure if im writing this correctly or will it feel like im just dragging the story on so I'm sorry i ahead of time if this all doesnt sounds grammatical correct or structural, im writing this as I go.
To say I liked her would be an understatement like every girl I had liked before I loved her on first sight and I truly wanted to belive things would work out. The first time I saw her was on my second Saturday night working at my new job. From the start we never talked to each other just awkwardly looked at each other once in a while. My work to say the least was hellish moving boxes into delivery trucks that would leave early in the morning is easier said than done throughout my time there I got better at the job but felt stressful and had fits of anger from how tedious the work amount was for a single person yet the thought of seeing her again at the end of my work week pushed me forward to forget about all stress I felt just cause it would somehow be all worth it. I should mention that I first learned of her name through seeing it on her id, Anna, not her real name as I'm trying to protect her privacy. It would be a month of awkwardly waving at each other at the start if our shifts, to saying goodbyes at the end of each shift, to me lending her a hand when it seem she got "drowned" with work, to just small talks and times we sorta goofed around that I eventually got the courage to ask for her name and get to know her. That first actual conversation warmed my heart because I really felt I would get to know her even with the small amount of time we had to see each other. After that night every other Saturday we saw each other became a bit less awkward yet I was always worried I was pushing myself to much onto her and worried she might be put off if I bothered her too much or she might get weirded out by me. But even then I felt happy non the least and belived that so long as she was happy so could I be. Around two months in of talking to each other I find out about her plans for college and other personal stuff about her. Yet the one thing that always bothered me was that she sometimes mentioned how stress she got and how she normally would avoid taking breaks to keep on working but mainly how she never took the time to bring lunch to work , all I could do was sorta stare knowing deep down I felt the same way sometimes. That night that she mentioned that I decided I wanted to share some of my lunch with her and felt glad I did brcause later on she thanked me and found the blueberry flavored cookies I gave her where actually pretty good despite her initially being put off by the though of eating cookies. I'm not sure if that was the right thing to do or if that classifies me as a "simp" but i wanna belive i showed her that in a sense i cared for her yet im worried what others might think of me for doing that.The next Saturday I had planned to ask for the phone number and SC hoping to be able to talk to her more after work. Toward the of our shift she was gonna be leaving early for a personal reason so I asked her if we could talk before she left and as she came up to me she jokenly asked if I was daydreaming I sorta avoided the question and went ahead with asking for her number I told her " hey I think you're a pretty cool person and I would like to get to know you more outside of work" she then told me she didn't give out her phone number to just anyone and that she rarely used social media. Up to that point in my life I had heard that same phrase from different girls to know that they aren't interest in me, so I smiled and told her its ok I wish you luck in your trip. As she walked away I sorta faded into the abyss that I royally screwed up everything. The next Saturday we saw each other I avoided bringing up the whole phone thing till the end where I told her I was sorry to bring that up in the first place and that I wasnt trying to make thing awkward between us. She said it was OK and that she just didn't give out her number to people and she rarely used SM. Again I left that day feeling hopeless. A couple of Saturdays went by I began to feel like I was detaching myself from her. I would avoid her gaze and focus on working as I didn't want to make things worst that what they are already. Eventually one Saturday came where she wasn't there anymore after which I felt like somehow this was my doing. I would only later find out she got promoted to a supervisor but yet I couldn't stop feeling hopeless that she was gone and her last day working next to me all I did was avoid her and painfully told myself she could careless if I talked to her or not. Fast forward about a month I had just put in my two week leave as I had recently got a new career opportunity open up to me and was excited that I'll be leaving soon. At this point I was slowly moving on yet being hopeful I would see Anna again before I would have to leave, somehow my dream came true. On my second to last week I was surprised when I saw her right across some of my trucks I work with during the weekdays. I was trying hard not to look over when I saw her because I felt those feelings I had for her flood back into my mind. I began to pray that somehow on my last week I could talk to her just one last time and I'll be OK with how things would end up between us. Come my last week of work I was suprised when she was placed on Tuesday night in the same area I worked just a couple of trucks over helping out a new hire learn to load a truck. At first I avoided trying to look over at her direction and I even tried to spent as much time away from the open where she could see me. At some point she ended up leaving im not sure when but I was frantically looking around for her hoping to see her pop out of some direction. This next part im not sure if she did this intentionally or was on accident but as I was loading a package into one of my trucks she came in from the front of my truck and in there sorta froze at the sight of seeing her right in front of me. I was happy she was here the prayer came true and as she smiled and asked me how I was doing all I could do was smile back and telling her good and that it had been a while. Although she had to be with the new hire helping him out she sorta stayed there with me followed me as I went and grabbed new packages and we sorta laughed at how somehow she would end up becoming one of those grumpy supervisors one day yelling at the new hires. I know this part sounds stupid but to me I wouldn't mind being anywhere but right there besides her and more than I was glad to share a moment like this with her. I told her about how with these trucks I'm basically dealing with the stressful situation of loading over a thousand boxes, 4 days out of the week and how stressful it was becoming. She mentioned that even as a supervisor her job still made her stressful that if a new worker didn't do their job right she didn't want to push them to do something they didn't want to or weren't capable of but she still had her job to someway or another. When she said to me I wanted to tell her that no matter how stressful she gets there's always a person that thinks she's the best at what she does and no matter what he liked her for who she is. Yet I didn't and instead told her how I wasnt worried to much as I was leaving soon she asked when I said this coming Saturday the 24th she replied with a slight oh and asked what exactly I was going to do. I told her "im leaving for the air force soon" she sorta got a bit upset and looked away and asked me if thats what I really wanted to do, I said of course its been my dream since I was little I then told her how I was being set up to becoming a male nurse in the future which wasn't my plan and I hope its not karma for always talking down on those in my family who are nurses, she jokenly told me "I could see you as a male nurse someday" I just laughed it up and told her "no no not in a million years". We were sorta interupted by an angry manager standing around a couple of trucks down looking at us so she ended up leaving to go back to her work and we werent able to talk to each other for the rest of the night. I realized that while i was talking to her I hadn't been loading up packages and I had gotten backed up but I could careless cause i was glad to have gotten that chance to talked to her eitherway. At some point I was looking down at the bins where my packages were coming down from and I could see that someone was organizing them based on which truck they went into. I honestly was glad to see that it was Anna going into my bins while I wasnt looking and fixing them up. It helped me catch up with my work load and it reminded me of how back when we worked next to each other i would wait till she wasnt looking so i could arrange her packages and help her out. To say the least I never felt happier to see her again and moreover to see how she was helping me despite knowing that she didn't need to. Towards the end of my shift I meet up with her again and off the bat I could tell how tired she looked. To sum up the conversation we talked about how she felt stressful and how she was trying to cope with it. I sorta made a bs response saying I take a step back from work to destress yet im always on top of my work and I never take breaks or eat anything cause I don't want to fall behind. She told me I shouldnt do that but all I could think was "seeing you makes me feel less stressful and I need to work hard to be able to feel like I have a chance to ever seeing you again". After that talk we split off and she said to me "Goodbye Joel", it was honestly the first time I had ever heard her say my name and I honestly though she had forgotten and yes im overlooking something something small. Next night she wasn't there I got worried that maybe that truly was the last time I would get to see her yet I was hoping that from what she told me she still worked on Saturday I would go over to where she worked and tak to her but I couldn't shake off the feeling of. I didn't want to wait till then. I eventually ask a buddy of mine who was a supervisor about where she would be at he eventually caught on that I liked her and decided to help me he even offered me her phone number but I didn't feel like taking it just cause how would I explain to her how I got her number. Anyways I soon figured that I wanted to make my last day the day I would confess to her. Right after a busy day on Thursday I went out bought a card and some boxes of chocolate for her. I wasn't sure what I wanted to write in the letter but for sure I wanted to explain to her how I felt and most importantly how even after I leave my job I still wanna try and get to see her. Come Saturday night I felt confident that no matter what I needed to make this happen or I will never get a chance to make things right between us. So what actually ended up happening was I found myself screwed over, close to 1500 packages that needed to be loaded rather than my usual 800 packages. In all honesty as much I hated seeing this work load I told myself that it won't matter today is the last day ill have to load a truck full of packages. But regardless by the time it was 7:00 a.m I found myself backup with a lot of workload and was worried that by the time I wanted to leave to go see Anna, which would have been around 8:00 or 8:30, I wouldn't even be fully done. It was at that moment I sorta took a step back and look around at the work I still had left to do that I noticed someone coming up behind me. It was only when I hear the word "hey" from a voice I recognized by heart that I turned around and saw Anna standing besides me. She looked happy and said to me "came to see you since this was your last day". I told her no dont give me that positivity to which she answered back with a "come on its your last day you got this" I told her in return "no no save that happy talk till when I leave then I'll feel relieved to be out of here". When she saw how backed up I was all she could say was sorry that they screwed you over I didn't say much other than I wanted to get to talk to her more and I was hoping to see if around 9ish would work for her since around then I'll be done for sure with work as she left some guys came over and asked me if she was my girl I embarrassedly told them no that's she was just a friend hoping she didn't hear any of that. Come 8:00 I was finally done and well just about ready to make my move. I first stopped by another coworker who had also helped me out a lot during my time there and she was sorta like a parent figure at work so I wanted to give her a gift for all her help. As we were talking she pointed out that Anna was right behind me and looking my direction while talking to someone else. I can only assume she wanted to talk to me but wanted to wait for me to finish. Anyways my coworker wished me luck but with my future career and with Anna by essentially reminding me I had this last chance to tell her how I felt to not screw it up. Went over to anna and after that I asked her how come she came over she sorta answered by telling me how she hadn't told anyone especially her boss over at the area she worked at she was coming to see me l. I sorta brushed it aside and we walked around the area I worked sorta talking about well everything that had happened recently and future plans we both had. At some point we got to this quiet area where I gave her the letter I had wrote to her plus the two box of chocolates she first asked me if she could open the letter and I told her she can and then out of no where she got a phone call she and I could see from her screen it was one of her friends she quickly went around the corner and I could hear her say "im in the middle of something ill call you later" I sorta chuckled when I heard that. When I showed her the box of chocaltes she sorta took a step back and began saying me no no its fine i then asked her "do you want the small box or the big box" when she didn't answer i gave her both of them all she said to me jokenly was "you're just trying to get me sugar high". After that i told her i would walk her down back over to her work area since because of me she had been gone a while then when we reach the end her boss was there waiting for her i feel bad even now cause i didn't stand up for her. After that happened we began walking back up the way we came and we came by the same area we were at before were I began telling her how I felt in that the moments where I truly enjoyed being here was the days I worked next to her and how she was my motivation to keep going. I did asked her "you know where I'm going with this right?" She turned and I could see her smile and I told her "I've had a crush on you for a while and I wasnt sure when to tell you or how to since I always worried if I talked to you I might annoy or wierd you out as well I wasnt sure if you were already dating someone so I didn't know if I was making the right choice. Also I know you want to focus or your classes and work" she turned towards me and told me "you dont have to worry about that and I was never annoyed by you but im not really looking to get into that kind of stuff cause I want to focus on my classes" I responded by telling her "thats ok and trust me I respect that and I will always wish you the best of luck with your studies its just the one thing I really wish is that we can keep in contact". When I said that she sorta hesitate at first but then told me how she hadn't deactivated her SC so she was willing to write down my SC and phone number on her phone. I was so happy with just that at that moment somehow I felt I would get to talk to her more outside of work I even jokenly told her I'll stay up at the same she's working so she has someone to tell about how shitty work has been to which she jokenly told me "im not gonna bring you to work!". With that I was ready to leave and start a long but happy walk home. This next part i can only describe it as what truly made her stand apart from all the other girls I've ever meet in my life and why even 3 days later I still can't get over her. She turned towards me and she began to get close to me. As she did she raised her arms and wanted to wrap them around me but I wasnt sure what to do so I bagan to back away but with a smile on a face she told me "its ok, its alright, you dont need to worry about it" I let her put her arms around me and hug me and I did the same. Feeling her like that made me feel numb I wasnt sure if I was hugging her too long or if I needed to pull away. At that moment I didn't just like her I sorts loved her because in thr cases where I confessed my feelings for a girl I never had received a hug from one and it felt nice like someone had given me the happiest I've always wanted and I wanted to feel this way forever. We pulled away and I then jokenly asked if maybe we were going for the hover over the shoulder hug. She laught but didn't say much after that I could only say goodbye to her and never asked her on a date. As I watched her walk away part of me didn't want to leave her alone but then the other side knew what else can I do. As I walked home that feeling of love and happiness flooded all over my mind. God I could stop thinking about her. But it was when I got home and I sat down that I began to cry for her. I missed her so damn much she gave me the happiness I've always from someone else and now she's no longer her. There's nothing I can do but hope she texts me. The last 3 days I've been holding out to hope and even today on my birthday which I never told her it was today I somehow hoped she would text me. I cant help it anymore I regret leaving my job and I honestly feel like forgetting about my future just so I can see her again. Worst of all today is my birthaday and I sit here on listening to sad music feeling like my life has come to an end. I know I'm supposed to be feeling happy this is my day yet i can't because she isn't here, the one person I truly cared isn't here and she would have honestly made me happier no matter what day of the year it was.. Would she ever text me before my leave date on November 10th or will I just be another guy that came and went? I pray not. I guess now I just need the help from reddit to move on and figure out what can I do now I don't wanna make any rash decisions yet I can't stop thinking about her. Well if you've made it this far thank you for taking the time you are a Saint for reading my ramble. I don't know right now if ill ever truly move on or if she was my last chance at getting with someone else and now I might just get use to the idea of being lonely. Thank you again and may God bless you all.
submitted by DangerDaskov to Crushes [link] [comments]


2020.10.28 03:23 RottenTart When is enough, enough?

I have now been separated from my (26F) husband (27M) who is bipolar 1 for 1 wk. we still keep in contact but are not currently living together. He is going through a manic episode and has been resistant to getting help and following a healthy regime. I’ve tried everything and I mean everything (conversations with his psychiatrist, setting up counseling, involuntary hospitalization, removing risks, putting together a plan, educating myself on bipolar, assisting with managing his finances and being as patient as I can) Despite everything he enjoys the mania and has admitted that he knows how to trigger it. He says he prefers the mania over the depression. He says he feels like himself when he’s manic. It’s very hard to have a conversation with him when he’s manic. He can be extremely manipulative and blames me when I try and help. He has been verbally abusive, irresponsible with money, hanging out with friends all day and night, doesn’t care that I worry or cry for him to come home, is missing work or leaving early, made a profile on a dating site, is gambling, drinking and using marijuana excessively. He seems to have moments of clarity and expresses how sorry he is. I clearly can see how much pain he is in. During a conversation about getting help he is crying one min, angry the next, and seemly normal the next. It’s truly a rollercoaster and I find that my head is spinning after a 30 min. conversation. This is not the first episode I’ve seen. However, this is the first episode where I have been greatly impacted. Over the course of 6 mos. I have worked on myself and see things much clearer than I have in the past. I’ve lost 60 lbs. quit drinking excessively and quit using marijuana. I have changed for the better and that is something my spouse has been blaming me for during this episode. It came to a point where we both decided to separate. It happened fast and immediate and out of anger and frustration on both ends. I explained that I cannot support him if he doesn’t want to help himself. I can’t watch him self-destruct. I told him I will help him if he wants the help and continue to be there for him. if he wants to come back home and continue our marriage he needs to get help, get well and find what he truly wants in life. And I even said that if he gets well and decides it’s not our marriage he wants than that’s okay. I just want him to be happy. This is such a scary situation and it’s hard to believe our lives have fallen apart in just 6 weeks. I’m having a really hard time processing everything. Im having trouble remembering the days. Weeks only feel like a day or two. Most days I feel sad, angry and numb. I love my husband so much but I really feel hurt by all the hateful things he’s said to me and not only that but I can’t trust him at this point. I don’t know what to do anymore but give him time to make a decision about his recovery and hope time will sort things out.
submitted by RottenTart to BipolarSOs [link] [comments]


2020.10.28 03:23 ModeratorsOfArmenia Azerbaijan-Turkey war against Artsakh [Day 32]

Armenia sub strives to be a quality source of up-to-date information and related developments
=> No justification, celebration or trivialisation of violence
=> No hate speech, personal attacks, trolling, low level or off-topic participation
=> Telegram channels are not official nor journalistic sources
=> When posting new info, include the link and relevant text
Donations
https://www.armeniafund.org <-- tax exempt for US citizens
https://himnadram.org/en
https://www.1000plus.am/en/payment
Previous Megathreads (day) => 31 30 29 28 27 26 25 24 23 22 21 20 19 18 17 16 15 14 13 12 11 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 (27 sept 2020)
David's daily wrap-ups => Oct 27 Oct 26 Oct 25 Oct 24 Oct 23 Oct 22 Oct 21 Oct 20 Oct 19 Oct 18 Oct 17 Oct 16 Oct 15 Oct 14 Oct 13 Oct 12 Oct 11 Oct 10 Oct 9 Oct 8 Oct 7 Oct 6 Oct 5 Oct 4 Oct 3 Oct 2 Oct 1 Sep 30 Sep 29 Sep 28 Sep 27
David's patreon
Media updates and wrap-ups => EVNReport OC-Media JAMNews
Official sources => ArmenianUnified Artsrun Hovhannisyan Shushan Stepanyan Nikol Pashinyan Razm info
Analysts and experts => Tom de Waal Laurence Broers Emil Sanamyan
What is all this about? (updated Oct 24)
  • On Sept 27 Azerbaijan with direct involvement of Turkey using its Jihadist mercenaries from Syria and elsewhere launched a devastating war against the de facto Nagorno Karabakh Republic in an attempt to resolve the lingering Karabakh conflict using extreme and remorseless violence despite the existing peace process while rejecting UN's calls to stop fighting and also rejecting UN's appeal for a global ceasefire due to the pandemic.
  • Independent organisations have raised alarms of genocide (23 Oct), ethnic cleansing and a humanitarian catastrophe for the sieged indigenous Armenian population of Nagorno Karabakh.
  • Azerbaijan has intentionally violated international law by severely damaging 130 cities and villages including the capital of Nagorno Karabakh Stepanakert using aerial bombings, drone attacks, precision missiles, smerch, semi-ballistic strikes and artillery means as well as usage of cluster bombs against civilian settlements causing half of the Armenian civilians to be forced to leave and the remaining to live in underground shelters.
  • As of Oct 24 Azerbaijan's concerted destruction against the ethnic Armenian civilians of Nagorno Karabakh has resulted in 40 civilian killed, 120 wounded and 13100 civilian infrastructure destroyed, including homes, apartments, hospitals, schools, civilian vehicles as well as key civilian infrastructure vital to the survival of the civilian population. The destruction includes cultural heritage manifested by the bombing of a 19th century Armenian church.
  • As of Oct 24, Armenian KIA amount to a thousand, making it higher per capita than the KIA of the Vietnam War.
  • Neither the maxim of "there is no military solution to the conflict" always repeated by the US, France, EU, NATO, among others, nor all the calls for an unconditional ceasefire and resumption of negotiations made by the UN, EU, NATO, France, Russia and the US, among others, nor the two humanitarian ceasefires brokered by Russia and France which were summarily violated by Azerbaijan with backing from Turkey, have persuaded the latter to halt the violence.
  • As of Oct 24, after all the devastation, heavy destruction of armour of both sides, and over 6000 killed personnel of the Azerbaijan Armed Forces, Turkish-backed Jihadi mercenaries, and Turkish Armed Forces, as per the military leadership of Armenia, Azerbaijan is in control of some of the southern areas of the surrounding territories to the south and a small portion to the north east - all of them low lands.
What's up with Nagorno Karabakh?
  • Nagorno Karabakh has been an officially bordered self-governed autonomous region since 1923 which de facto became independent from the Soviet Union before Armenia and Azerbaijan gained their independence. Nagorno Karabakh has never been governed by the state of Azerbaijan and has never been under control of an independent Azerbaijan.
  • Nagorno Karabakh has had continuous majority indigenous Armenian presence since long before Azerbaijan became a state in 1918. Karabakh Armenians have their own culture, dialect, heritage and history going back millennia.
  • Nagorno Karabakh does not have the status of an occupied territory and it is not referred to as such by the international community, the UN, OSCE, third party experts, and all reputable international media. Nagorno Karabakh is considered by the international community as a break-away enclave where its Armenian indigenous population has agency with legal backing. Nagorno Karabakh Autonomous Oblast as was known during the USSR-era made several petitions to join Armenia, the last one backed by the European Parliament in 1988, culminating in an independence referendum.
  • The final status of Nagorno Karabakh is pending the UN-mandated OSCE settlement as also agreed to by Azerbaijan on the basis of the Helsinki Final Act of 1975 among other norms of international law. The UN-mandated OSCE led by the US, France and Russia, and backed by the UN, EU, NATO and Council of Europe, among others, non-optionally applies the principle of self-determination to Nagorno Karabakh.
  • There are four existing UN Security Council resolutions from 1993 which called for cease of hostilities and mandated the conflict to be settled under the OSCE framework, with the latter determining the final status of Nagorno Karabakh. These resolutions were triggered because of the capture of surrounding territories around Nagorno Karabakh by the Nagorno Karabakh forces during the final months of the Karabakh War in 1993. These resolutions do NOT recognise Nagorno Karabakh as occupied; do NOT demand withdrawals from Nagorno Karabakh; do NOT recognise Armenia as having occupied any territories; do NOT demand any withdrawals by Armenia from any territories - which is why there were no grounds for invoking Chapter VII either.
  • Same as above also applies to the only other existing non-binding 2008 UN General Assembly resolution which was rejected by the OSCE co-chairs (US, France and Russia) for attempting to bypass the UN-mandated OSCE framework to determine the final status of Nagorno Karabakh. The vast majority of UN member states abstained from voting in favour of this Azerbaijani-drafted unilateral resolution, and the vast majority of states which voted in favour were members of OIC and GUAM.
  • The ceasefire agreement of 1994 had three signatories: Armenia, Azerbaijan and Nagorno Karabakh.
  • This is an authoritative map of Nagorno Karabakh with the surrounding territories with original place names courtesy of Thomas de Waal.
  • The Crisis Group's Karabakh Conflict Visual Explainer has a detailed timeline of the conflict.
  • The constitution of the de facto republic states that Nagorno Karabakh Republic and Artsakh Republic are synonymous, while not laying claim on the surrounding territories.
Is there a peace plan?
Is there a neutral narrative of the conflict?
  • UK-based Conciliation Resources helped Armenian and Azerbaijani journalists to jointly produce a neutral documentary where everything you see and hear is agreed by both parties, watch it online here. Tom de Waal's Black Garden book is considered to be a comprehensive and balanced work on the conflict.
I do not live in Armenia, how can I help?
Disclaimer: Borders are fluid in 5th generation wars. Fog of war exists. Official news is not independent news. Some sources of information are of unknown origin, such as Telegram channels often used to report events by users. There are independent journalists from reputable international media in Nagorno Karabakh.
submitted by ModeratorsOfArmenia to armenia [link] [comments]


2020.10.28 03:18 Head-Cryptographer29 The bachelorette is coming off as kind of a jerk

The more I watch this season, the more I think she is a jerk. It's kind of like train wreck. You don't want to look but you can't take your eyes off it. I feel bad for Zach. He really seemed to like her. One mistep and he goes home. Nobody really has a fair shot this season.
What was even worse is she didn't give anyone a rose on one of the group dates. She let Dale monopolize one group date. I don't blame the other guys for getting mad.
submitted by Head-Cryptographer29 to TheBachelorette [link] [comments]


2020.10.28 03:17 tomzak First time watching

Today was the first time I have ever watched this film and wow. First thing interesting about my watch through was that I notice today is eerily close to the date of the “end of the world” (today is Oct 26th & EOW date was Oct 30th) and this put me in a wild headspace as soon as I saw this date. I felt like Donnie was onto the Pac-Man type theory from that one episode of Black Mirror (or Vice versa) in that we are all technically in the channel of “God” and it moves through all of us (whether as the Living Receiver, Manipulated Living/Dead, etc) therefore not leaving free will as a choice necessarily (perhaps he was able to exercise free will by saving people and what not but idk if this is right). I was not expecting the whole Tangent Universe/Primary Universe concept and this truly blew me away. I really just came here to vent about my experience upon watching and I am moreso just in that “WOW” state of being at the moment. I’m excited to look through more of the posts on this subreddit as this was easily one of my favorite films I’ve ever seen really. I thought the concept of the living receiver not always dying as probably one of the most profound facets of this movie. Also, SETH ROGEN lmao. I don’t know, I’m just at a loss for words and can’t believe I’ve gone 19 years without watching. Truly surreal experience.
submitted by tomzak to donniedarko [link] [comments]


2020.10.28 03:14 jabber_OW How I Learned That There is No Matchmaking in Ranked

Upon purchasing the game and downloading it I gleefully queued up for a quick skirmish with the AI. "Easy" should just about match my skillsets. After a short game I won by a landslide. Well, that offered little fun. No camaraderie, no congratulations, no blessed "gg". A single player game was clearly not my speed. And luckily, not what I purchased!
"Surely," I thought, "Multiplayer would offer me a starting point. Similar to my other favorite games, where a beginner such as I could practice against other beginners. A 'bronze' rank perhaps. Maybe an iron or plastic rank. A level zero, so to speak."
I was also very excited to discuss the game with other beginners. "Oho, what a splendid day for a battle. Did you just pick it up from the steam marketplace?" I shall say. "Heavens no!" He shall reply "I've received such a gift from mine own mother and father on this, the date of my birth." And such a laugh shall have we.
Ah! I was matched with an ally! Is this to be my trusted companion? A friend through the danger and strife? Perhaps our friendship shall carry on for years to come? "Hallo!" I cheerfully greet him.
"peasant dungeon spear rush defense comp" he replies quite bluntly. I was taken aback.
Very well, I thought, perhaps he's a bit of a studied beginner. Watches a lot of the YouTube or endeavors for high achievements one day. He is unusually prepared for a beginner. Offering an advantage for us no doubt!
"Of course, my good fellow!" I say with confidence as I frantically Google the mish-mash of words he's shoved into my once virgin chat. "Right away!"
Well, it turns out what he wanted was to end the game as quickly as possible. I thought that wasn't going to work. Why would a game be designed with that possibility? I was here for great battles, huge kingdoms, and well earned victories! I politely replied that I am unfamiliar with those terms and would like to play the way I know how. No reply.
The game began normally, I slayed sheep, sent my scout to die, picked berries, and lost a fight with a water buffalo. Suddenly, in a flurry of beeps and buzzes, every other player hit feudal age. Strange, I thought, I have built 2 houses, some fields, and a lumber mill, yet they have already accrued riches beyond what my Neanderthal brain could comprehend? Something was wrong.
Then my dearest ally sent a scout to my base. I only realized it was him because I couldn't get my villagers to attack it.
"dont play ranked" he said immediately. Strange greeting. Was this the classic wit I've seen in so many other online games? Surely, this was just another rather negative fellow. "we're going to lose" he said. A pessimistic one at that. I urged him to explain.
"matched wit first time player" he wrote to me, seemingly speaking to himself through the chat.
I then realized what is indeed the case.
"Surely this game has matchmaking?" I asked. "noe" he responded. "You are all at least at the bottom of the rankings, if not first time players?" I asked. "nop" he creatively responded again. My heart sank. I knew I shouldn't be here, but how could I have known? Now I've ruined everything for this poor illiterate.
Five minutes later, my 40 cavemen villagers lost a fight to 3 horseman from the distant future. My twig walls collapsed from pure shame, and my poor dear ally took his own life.
I have made mistakes I shall never forget.
Experienced players, if you have a good recommendation for starting online in aoe2 I would love to hear it, as it seems I went about it in the most incorrect way.
submitted by jabber_OW to aoe2 [link] [comments]


2020.10.28 03:14 AdComfortable9510 i feel insane

I’ve recently just hit a year anniversary with my boyfriend. We’ve known each other for a little longer but he’s really been my best and only friend for a while now. I joke around that our lives and personalities are so similar that we’re the same person just in different fonts. He’s the only person I’ve ever been fully honest with and he’s truly the only person I’ve ever felt loved by. We found out a couple months ago that I’m pregnant and we’re really excited. But recently, I can’t help but feel jealous about his female friends in school. I don’t go to school anymore, I dropped out of college because of COVID and I couldn’t handle the expenses. So because of that I’ve felt even lonelier than usual since I don’t see him as often anymore. He talks about this one girl often. They share music, do homework together, play online, he lets her paint his nails and put eyeliner on him (which I don’t mind I think it’s cute that he experiments with makeup.) Maybe it’s normal friend things. But he talks about her in such a high regard and talks about wanting to experiment in polygamy and threesomes when he rarely has spoken about it before. She’s very pretty and dedicated to this alternative girl aesthetic which I used to do when I was younger but now that I’m pregnant and since we’ve been dating, I can admit that I put less effort into my looks. It wasn’t because I was lazy but because he would complain and say that I looked too stiff and made him feel underdressed constantly and he’d prefer I go for a more comfortable look. I feel like I can’t do anything right with him. I don’t like the shows he watches, I don’t really play video games since I have no consoles, I’m into much tamer music than him and he doesn’t really like any of the songs I like. But I try my hardest to actively participate in watching his shows, watching him play his games and even trying them out when I go to his place, and I listen to the playlists he’s sent me. I always feel second to her and like I’m not good enough and I don’t know what to do to calm my fears about her. Today he came over and she texted him to call her and I reached for his phone to see if it was his mom texting him and as soon as I reached for it, he put his two hands around mine and fought me for it. I eventually let go but it really terrifies me. He swears he’s not hiding anything but I saw him open the message and there’s no other messages above it which means he’s deleted messages and I know this for sure because he’s shown me screenshots of jokes she’s made. I feel like I’m going insane. I’ve never been this jealous or sad before and I truly believe he won’t hurt me but I just don’t know what to think.
submitted by AdComfortable9510 to venting [link] [comments]


2020.10.28 03:12 thatgamernerd 27 [M4F] East Coast(Michigan) /Anywhere. Press Start on Controller 2.

So I’m going to make this nice and easy with some pros and cons. That’s not everything, as I got tons to say, but rather do that over voice chat on a voice chat app that can’t be named. But feel free to message me. Bonus points if you're a gamer, as we can talk there, maybe even play games together. if we connect. But if we don't, then we don't. But I do hope that you find the special person you're looking for.
Pros
-Kind
-understanding
-I have an adorable doggo
-like a lot of different kinds of music
-big nerd/geek about video games, history, books, manga/anime
-I like DnD and want to run my own game that’s fallout/sci-fi themed
-I want to travel and explore the world & stay home and watch movies
-I want to go ghost hunting
Cons
-no dating experience
-troubled past
-bigger set guy
-slight allergy to cats
-low self esteem
submitted by thatgamernerd to ForeverAloneDating [link] [comments]


2020.10.28 03:11 TheEmoBear 23 [M4F] Missouri/Illinois/USA Just looking for someone to like me for me

•Who Am I & a little Background
I’m not quite sure where to start with this but I am going to try my best. I haven’t had any luck with in person dating, Tinder, Bumble, ect. and have began to give up hope so figured this post couldn’t hurt.
I’m 23, 5’10 & stocky with a little extra weight but nothing more than the average person with my body configuration. I wear glasses & have brown hair / eyes.
I would describe myself as a funny & sweet guy who is laid back and easy going.
I still live at home with my mother and my cat while going to college for my Bachelors in Sports Management.
I enjoy playing video games, I currently have an Xbox One and getting a Series X day one. I play Call of Duty, Halo, NBA2K, Madden along with other games (looking forward to Cyberpunk 2077!). I also enjoy watching sports as I am a diehard Pittsburgh Steelers fan & Toronto Raptors fan, I watch every single game I can possibly watch and I would say it makes up a good chunk of my life. I collect basketball cards and have a quite large collection of people I like the most. I like music a lot as well, I would say those 3 things make up who I am more than anything!
I enjoy anything Star Wars, I love the staple Horror movie villains (Jason, Freddy, Michael, Leatherface, Pinhead). I’m into nerdy stuff. I love zombies, I love action figures/collectables, Pokémon. Basically stuff from my childhood I still enjoy very much today.
•What I’m Looking For
Ideally, I would love to find a woman around my age (18-28, but this isn’t a dealbreaker for me) who enjoys the same things as I do to a degree. Someone who is easy going and isn’t as serious as they are laid back and can have a good time.
Preferably live in Missouri or Illinois, closer to STL the better. But will keep the door open to others farther away.
I can’t say I have a definitive mold I’m looking for as I’ve found all types of women attractive & interesting in my life so far.
I’m not afraid of curves, I’m not afraid of you being petite. I’m more interested in personality than being head over heels physically attracted to you (but I will be honest, it does play a part but I am really open to many things)
My messages are open to anyone who would like to chat, I’m not expecting much from this but It would be cool to maybe find someone to spend time with :)
submitted by TheEmoBear to ForeverAloneDating [link] [comments]


2020.10.28 02:58 throwaway_atwitsend4 more adventures in dating

This'll be long and rambling! So shortly after I made a previous post I started talking to a cool lady who I hit it off with and we had sex the second time we met up and it was really fun. I'm definitely not straight in case I had any doubt left in my mind lol. We're going to hang out again at some point. Also hung out with another girl (just watched a movie) and we both want to see each other again as well though she's a little busier.
Boyfriend has seen a few girls, one of them was queer and had open relationship experience and was cool with it but she moved away (in general queer women seem to be more comfortable with the non-monogamy thing). one of them he saw twice--the first time she was kinda not sure about it and asked a ton of questions and thought she might want to talk to me (still hasn't contacted me so who knows) but they kissed. On their second date he was demoted to just cuddling lol. So I think she is trying to wrap her head around it but maybe just can't get there. So he's not sure if he's going to see her again. He went out with another girl (no contact) who also seemed unsure, though said she was willing to hang out again but he's getting the same vibe as her. So he's going to let her reach out if she wants to but she hasn't yet. With the second date girl he asked if it might be possible that he see her on a more regular basis (right now we're open but with the possibility of poly sometime far down the road) and I said I'd be willing to consider it. But yeah, doesn't really sound like that'll end up going anywhere though they might remain friends, it sounds like she might just have too many hangups about it. (And might also be moving at some point anyway, I think the fact that she was thinking of moving was the reason she even considered seeing him at all.) He did see this one (straight) girl a few times and while she was cool with the open thing her life's a little messy now and he was like "yeah I don't think I want to get too tangled up in that" and he ended up letting her down gently.
Then last week he said he'd been talking to a girl on an app that both of us had met before at a party, and he'd met again at another event. She's a relative of someone we know and friends with that group but not close enough to us that we see her often. So I said that was fine. Then he said she was 21, and I was like "well...ok". We're both early 30s, and before we said that we're mostly going to be talking to people 25 and older but it wasn't a hard and fast rule--obviously there are generally a lot less girls looking to see people who are already in relationships and we don't live in a gigantic metropolis with near endless options. (And neither of us want to see someone who still has "teen" in their age.) She's pretty cute and he said she was easy to talk to and seems to have her shit together as much as any 21 year old can. Then he showed me a text where she said he could "bring his SO if he wanted" to their date. He was like "what does she mean like this, does she want to make sure I'm aware or all this or does she want to see both of us." Now neither of us are going on the apps saying "looking for our unicorn" or anything like that and we've been decidedly looking separately and don't have a shared profile at all. But if a girl brought it up herself, that could be a possibility. Both of the people I've seen have male partners (that seems to be the case in general with the people I match with haha) and again I don't bring it up but both of them seem down with being with me and him but I get the impression they'd want me to do the same with their partners or have all four of us together and he's not comfortable with me being with another guy, at least for now, and that might not ever change. And I'm cool with that. So if we did end up seeing a girl together it would be likely someone he's talking to who would need to bring it up herself.
So neither of us were able to determine from the text what exactly she meant. We decided he'd go by himself and see what the deal was. So I was prepared for him to either go to her place or bring her back here or neither. He came home alone. He didn't bring it up to her explicitly but she said that she'd been in an open relationship before and it had worked out though when they started seeing people together that's when it started to go wrong. Obviously every couple is different so we're not taking it to mean that "oh it'll never happen" but in her case it didn't. He showed me her picture and she said I was cute but yeah, he's still not sure if she wants to see both which I knew was a possibility. It sounds like she does want to at least see him again.
One not great thing was after he got home and we went over everything we were watching a movie and then he went to the kitchen to get another drink. He was a little bit tipsy when he came home since they went to get drinks (outdoors not in a bar). He was gone for a few minutes and I asked if he was coming soon and he said he was just "wrapping up the evening" or something like that so I said ok and did some doomscrolling, as one does these days, and he still wasn't coming. It was maybe 15-20 minutes before he finally came back. I didn't ask him a second time because I didn't want to nag but I was a little hurt. One of our rules is no conversations with other partners while we're hanging out and we've been careful about not doing it (obvs if we're hanging out and the other person is planning to leave soon to hang out with someone that's different if you're finalizing plans or whatever). By the time he came back in he'd had a couple more drinks and I didn't want to talk about it while he was buzzed. We went to bed shortly after that. I brought it up in the morning and he apologized when I told him I didn't like that he took more time than he should have coming back to the room after I called out to him the first time.
So I've been sorting out my feelings. He's an honest person and being worried about him stepping out has never been any kind of concern of mine throughout the years. I think this is the first time I've felt some jealousy about the whole situation, which of course is not unusual when you're seeing more than one person. I didn't get my hopes way up but I can't say I wasn't a little disappointed about how she might not want to get involved with both of us, and the fact that she's that much younger too maybe stoked a little insecurity. (Though I know he's not just solely going after much younger girls because that would definitely be more cause for concern.) I'm a couple years older than him. Like I'm glad that they got along and I'm sure he's excited that this is the first girl he's talked to that actually seems cool with the poly thing, isn't moving away, is in a good life place. And it seems like they got along great. But I am a fallible human after all. And as I said I brought up the texting thing and he apologized. So we're good for now. If the texting thing becomes a problem then I'll get worried again but right now I'm reminding myself to chill (writing it out has helped) and I already feel better. Maybe I'll get concerned if she's another person he might want to consider the poly thing with, I'm not sure how I'd feel about that. But that won't be on the table any time soon.
Also just an aside, damn I'm glad young folks these days seem to know themselves more than I ever did back then, idk if it's because of society or like, the lasting effects of Glee or whatever but I'll talk to 25 year olds and they'll be like "I knew I was pan when I was 8 and I've had an open relationship for years!" and I'm like, my stupid ass was watching lesbian porn at 19 (just to name one of several super obvious indicators) and I still didn't think that meant I might possibly be the least bit not straight. My old religious high school has a GSA now and they definitely did not have one when I was there. I'm jealous af obviously but also, way to go, kids! PROUD OF U ALL.
submitted by throwaway_atwitsend4 to bisexual [link] [comments]


2020.10.28 02:56 Flimsy_Network_9935 Is my (F21) boyfriend (F23) an asshole?

My bf and I are two peas in a pod. That's what he calls me at least. We spend so much time together and he's a really sweet guy and we are practically BFF's. But he's just turned into such an asshole its actually incredible.
Two years into our dating I got sick and if we didn't have sex every day he'd get really offended. But like I was fine to have it every other day...I was just sick and couldn't do it EVERY DAY. But then, he would say things like: him: wanna have sex? me: No I'm tired, Wanna just talk about our day? him: Hmm...I think I'll go to smoke then.
Then he jerked off to porn even though we had a rule not to.
Then a few months later I emotionally cheated on my boyfriend which happened about 10 months ago, interestingly with a guy who is an actual sexual predator Idk why I was so fucking stupid...like I sent loving and sexual texts (no photos though) to the guy.
But my bf and I stayed together.
He has been really into hobbies (punk music /bass and skateboarding) and that is great. But it has gotten to the point where I feel like he prefers doing them over being with me. He also has sexual issues combined with the hobby factor. Like for instance, he'll tell me that he is too tired to talk but wants to have sex and then when I am trying to find a connection by talking, he gives me an "ok fine, and talks to me about his hobbies which he knows I really don't care about. In fact, it hurts because at the beginning of our relationship we'd have sex and then he'd immediately play the bass and that's the hobby he started talking about at that moment.
I felt pushed away by him. He got mad at me for feeling that way. And then watched porn even though we both have a rule of not doing that.
He was depressed and sex-obsessed for three months. We just celebrated our 3 year anniversary literally a week ago and he didn't get me anything. Always moping about how we don't have enough sex. Like we have sex at least 3 times a week, s/t more...we don't have a dead bedroom whatsoever.
Then all of a sudden after an amazing day with him. We had a minor argument. We even had sex. He breaks up with me and he said that he just had a feeling that day that he should. He just packs up and leaves and says that he is too hurt about me cheating and that he wants the option to be or not be with someone else. He says he is just too hurt about me cheating on him and can't take us arguing anymore.
Then he comes back wanting just a break pretty unapologetically. It's clearly all about him...and he tells me " but do we even have things in common anymore? Like you don't like the sex pistols and you don't like skateboarding." Now that really pissed me off cause he said that he had found a skateboarding dating app a while ago and I shrugged it off. He also goes with one of his female friend's skateboarding who also likes punk music even though she is in a relationship. I said we could do a physical break and still text a little bit, but he said he needs a no-contact break.
I need advice on what to do. I feel guilty about cheating so it's hard to discern what I should take responsibility for or whether what he is doing I shouldn't tolerate. Pls, help.
submitted by Flimsy_Network_9935 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


2020.10.28 02:51 JeremyAPerron Spock's "first command"

First I want point out that I really like the episode "The Galileo Seven" even thought I enjoyed it I do have some nitpicks however.
The episode focuses on Spock learning to command, lead, and inspire humans. I really feel this would have worked better as flashback. (The modern day Enterprise encounters a threat that Spock encountered in his past and he recounts the tale to Captain Kirk. We see Spock go through his early adventure cut back to present day. Kirk and Spock resolve the problem.) The issue I have with this being his personnel growth time as a leader is he is already the first officer. When ever Kirk goes away he is in command. Heck if you watch by air date order--that I never recommend--its Spock, not Kirk, who we first see in the Captain's chair. It comes off as odd that this is his time to learn the ins and outs of leadership.
Also watching the episode I hardly feel the landing party disfunction is Spock's fault. He has crappy crew that was insubordinate and unprofessional. Although I give McCoy a pass because he and Spock a friends who often get under each others skin for their amusement. But the three lieutenants were so disgusting it made me wonder how they got into Starfleet. It is not Spock who has to learn its them.
Lastly I don't like how Kirk was portrayed. The Federation official was right why are we delaying a delivery of medical supplies to look at a strange planet? The planet isn't going anywhere. Why don't we deliver the much needed supplies and head home?
Well these are my thoughts, if you would like to read my full review of The Galileo Seven you can do so here: https://jeremysstartrekreviews.blogspot.com/2019/11/mr-spock-learns-important-lessons-on.html
submitted by JeremyAPerron to startrek [link] [comments]


2020.10.28 02:44 hippieflipper420 What’s a cheap, easy, and impressive cocktail to make for a woman?

I’ve got a first date either tomorrow or Thursday lads, what drink can I make that’s absolutely going to rock her socks off?
Edit: she said when she drinks with her friends it’s typically mikes hard or whiteclaws, we’re gonna be hanging out at my place watching horror for context
submitted by hippieflipper420 to AskMen [link] [comments]


2020.10.28 02:39 qaxwesm To those of you who have not yet voted in this 2020 election but will, there are some things I think you should know, especially if this your first time voting in a presidential election

I just finished voting early in this 2020 United States presidential election, which New York, and possibly other states too, allow you to do. I never voted in a presidential election before due to me not being old enough to vote at the time, so it feels good carrying out this new duty of mine as an American and participating in this American democracy.
To those of you who will be voting, especially if this is your first time voting in a presidential election, there are some important things I think you should know. I'm not going to tell you who you should vote for, since I think you and you alone should be in charge of that decision, but rather I want to share some things I learned after voting that I think you should know.
First things first, even if you're already sure when and where you must go to vote, make sure you confirm one last time where you need to go specifically in order to vote, as well as what times of the day you can vote, right before you go out to vote. About 2 or 3 months ago, I entered my address in their website, it told me my voting place would be this place really far from where I lived, like, I would have to take a train, or maybe 2 or 3 buses, to get there. Then, this morning, when I entered my address again in their website to confirm the time and location I have to vote at, this time they told me that my location would be at this place a lot closer to where I live, which was just a short bus ride away.
So before going out to vote, confirm where you need to go specifically, and when, right before going out, because even if you confirmed it a week or month ago, it's possible it changed since then. You don't want to be told you need to vote at location X at time Y, but then a week or so later when it's actually time to go out and vote, you find out it's been changed to location Z or something.
Speaking of times, make sure you arrive a little early to vote. For me, voting started at 12 PM and ended at 8 PM, so I made sure to leave at around 11:50 AM. If you know voting will end at 8 PM, do not show up at like 7 PM and expect to make it to the end of the line, into the booth, and finish filling out the voting ballot before those 60 minutes run out, because chances are they will, especially if a long line like mine awaits you, and then you will have to come back to vote again some other day.
When I went out to my voting site to vote, I had to wait in a very, and I mean very, long line. This long line was like 7 to 8 blocks long! Some of you, depending on where you're voting specifically, may be lucky and get to wait in a short line, and others might have to wait in lines just as long, if not longer. The point is, you will find yourself waiting for at least 2 to 3 hours in some kind of long line right before you can go into the booth to vote, so I recommend you bring something with you when you go out to vote to keep you occupied, like a toy, game, or book you can read. The guy in front of me had some kind of book or magazine to read, the women behind me brought their own portable chairs or stools that you can fold, unfold, and carry with you in 1 hand, carrying them with them as the line moved, and unfolding them to sit down while the line stopped, the girl behind them downloaded movies to watch on her phone using her headsets, while the guys behind her brought their nintendo switches, and several other people were simply on their smartphones most of the time. Others weren't so lucky and they either didn't know they would be waiting in such a long line so they brought nothing, or they did know but forgot to bring something to kill the time. One guy came to the site to vote joined the line like everyone else, but was like "screw this i'm outta here" after he realized how long the line was and how long he would be waiting. I think I might have been the youngest voter on that line since almost everyone else I saw looked much older than me.
In addition to bringing something to keep you occupied, I also recommend, since you will find yourself waiting in one of these long lines, that you use the bathroom/restroom or something before you begin going out to vote. The last thing you want is to join a long line, wait in it until you're just about to reach the front of the line, but then be forced to leave the line to go pee or poop, then have to rejoin the line all the way from the very beginning because nobody was kind enough to "save" your spot.
Just to give you an idea of how long these lines can be, the long line in this picture is what half my line looked like, assuming that the very top left corner of the picture was the "back" of the line, and the very bottom right corner of the picture was the "front" of the line: https://thehumornation.com/storage/2017/08/Long_Wait.jpg
Now imagine going through this long line not once, but twice, and line only moved like 5 or 6 steps every 3 or 4 minutes. That's pretty much how long my line was.
Be ready to wait in some kind of ridiculously long line, voters, and be prepared with something you can use to keep yourself occupied as you wait.
The next thing to keep in mind is that a mask, or some kind of cloth or face-covering covering your nose and mouth, is mandatory. You will not, under any circumstances, be allowed to go into the booth with your mouth exposed, at least not in New York. If you can't find or afford a face mask, do what I did and wrap an scarf, towel, rag, bandana, or t-shirt around your face to cover your nose and mouth. Since people are going to be near each other for hours, it is necessary that these safety measures are taken to prevent the spread of the coronavirus.
When you finally make it to the booths, you will be required to provide some kind of legal form of identification such as a driver's license before you can get your ballot. I provided my permit. Make sure you bring something with you that you can use as a legal form of identification. It should have at least your full name, picture, an address, date of birth, and gender. If you aren't sure what to actually do when you're in the booth, you can ask around and staff members will help you, which is what I did and what happened respectively. There will also be staff members and resource officers right outside the building, that will go around instructing new voters in line such as myself on how to properly fill out the ballot, at least in New York. They will have a copy of the ballot, or at least what it will look like, so you will know what to expect.
There is this thing that exists called an "Affidavit Ballot" where if you can't prove you're legally allowed to vote, such as not having a legal form of identification on you, you may still be able to vote, but you have to provide a bunch of extra information, and a bunch of people have to investigate you to make sure your vote was valid or something. I'm really not sure how that works, but you can still read about that here. http://co.harrison.ms.us/elected/circuitclerk/elections/affadavit.asp
You will be required to use a black-inked pen when filling out your ballot and only a black-inked pen. The staff made it clear, at least in New York, that ballots filled out with pens that aren't black-inked will not be accepted, and neither will ballots filled out in pencil, crayon, marker, highlighter, or anything else other than a black-inked pen. If you have no black-inked pen on your person, they will provide one for you that you get to keep, even after you finish filling out and submitting the ballot. Your ballot will have each of the candidates' full names, along with a bubble next to each of them. You will bubble in only 1 of the bubbles next to the name of whoever you're voting for, out of the people listed in each specified category.
In addition to voting for a president and vice president, I learned that you apparently also have to vote for a "borough president," a "representative in congress," a "state senator," a "member of the assembly," "justices of the supreme court," a "judge of the civil court county," and a "judge of the civil court county," but since I barely know what any of those are, I just bubbled in random names under the "democrat," "conservative," and "working class" columns for each of those, still making sure I was following the instructions.
I thought it would be as simple as picking between Joe Biden and Donald Trump then immediately submitting my ballot, since those two are the ones on the ballot who I and most other voters are most familiar with, but there were many other names on my ballot that I either didn't recognize or just never heard of, such as "Howie Hawkins," "Angela Nicole Walker," "Jo Jorgensen," "Jeremy Cohen," "Brock Pierce," "Karla Ballard," "Joann Ariola," "Dao Yin," "Mojgan Cohanim Lancman," "Bob Cohen," "Judith Goldiner," "Kenneth Schaeffer," "Afua Atta-Mensah," "Justin Sweet," "Leonard Livote," and "Jessica Earle-Gargan".
So you may want to familiarize yourself with at least some of these people, as well as learn what a "borough president" and all those other things are, so you're better informed than I am when filling out your ballot and casting your votes. Otherwise, you will likely see a bunch of names and positions on your ballot as well that you aren't familiar with or never heard of.
Ballots also come in at least 4 different languages — english, spanish, chinese, and japanese, so even if you don't fully understand english, but you understand spanish, chinese, or japanese, you will still be able to understand your ballot. There was also a fifth language that my ballot had, but I had no idea what that could be. It could be greek, german, latin, korean, russian, creole, or something else. I have no clue since I'm an english-speaking person.
Another thing to keep in mind is that some candidates' names can appear multiple times on a single ballot. This is not an accident, glitch, or error. This just means that that person is running for more than 1 political party. For example, my ballot listed both Joe Biden and Donald Trump's names at least twice. This meant that, in this case, Joe Biden was running for the "Democratic" and "Working Families" parties, while Donald Trump was running for the "Conservative" and "Republican" parties, and some people will have their name listed 3 times like "Leonard Livote" who was running for the "Democrat," "Republican," and "Conservative" parties all at once. I had no idea anything like that was possible where 1 person could run for multiple parties at once, but apparently it is, which is something else I learned.
The staff instructed us to never bubble in the same person's name more than once when filling out our ballots, even if we see it listed multiple times, nor bubble in the same row more than once, otherwise the ballot would not be accepted.
This is what my ballot looked like. Yours may be different depending on what state you're voting in. If the pictures are blurry it's because these were taken with my phone's camera and I couldn't keep my hand perfectly still. Also, maybe someone who understands multiple languages can figure out what that fifth language was...
https://imgur.com/a/nSW1m09
After you finish filling out your ballot, you will insert it into one of these fancy machines, at least in New York: https://i.imgur.com/GijerUZ.jpg
The machine also has those same 5 languages on it, but again I don't know what that fifth language was. Either way, assuming you did everything correctly, that will likely be it, and then you can exit the building through a back door or something. They may also give you a sticker or some other souvenir that you have the option of taking with you as you exit. The staff told us that if we made any errors when filling out the ballot, we are not to cross out or try to erase them, but rather we are to throw out the ballot and get a fresh new one so we can start over.
These are some things I think people should know if they're going out to vote for their first time. Things may change in the next 4 years in ways I can't predict, which can drastically change how voting works, and the way I did all of this isn't going to be exactly the same for everyone else or always be how I will do things, but right now, these are some things worth keeping in mind that I wanted to share, especially if you're voting for your first time like me and have no idea what to expect.
submitted by qaxwesm to moderatepolitics [link] [comments]


2020.10.28 02:37 loling1234 What in the shape shift?!

Anyone else watch their ex shape shift after the relationship was over? I sit in disbelief and watch as mine becomes a completely different person within months after the breakup. It’s really disturbing. He has used the lack lives matter movement and Covid as an opportunity to gain popularly on Instagram. He now cares about diversity and equality when he used to say he didn’t feel comfortable around black people and preferred to be around his people. Now he’s damn near a civil rights activist online and people are eating it up! I just watch in disbelief and want to call bs. Completely different person now. Posts about voting and politics. Dated him for years and he never voted. Used to beg him to watch the news or read a book so we could have a healthy meaningful convo about current events.
submitted by loling1234 to LifeAfterNarcissism [link] [comments]


2020.10.28 02:35 twofacedflyer Ranking The TDWT Characters Day 16

Ranking The TDWT Characters Day 16
♪ WHO'S GONNA TAKE THIRD PLACE! ♪

♪WHO'S IT GONNA BE!♪

♪ IS IT HEATHER! ♪

♪ ALEJANDRO! ♪

♪ THE ANSWER IS... ♪






3rd Cody:

Yeah apologies for being predictable guys, it's no surprise pretty much everyone called Cody coming next. But hey just because something in particular, doesn't mean it's wrong, and it's not like I hate Cody, quite the opposite in fact. Cody is the final of the Non Action characters who got more development, and while his development wasn’t the most drastic jump from what came before(That prize goes to Noah), it takes the cake for most surprising and most substantial.
Cody is introduced into this season as a fan favorite(because even back then people were shipping him with everyone), and things go pretty well for him, for all of 10 seconds as he is immediately introduced to his main focus of the season, Sierra. He’s placed on Team Amazon where he tries once again to woo Gwen, only to fail once again, to make things worse Sierra ends up on his team. She then spends pretty much the entire season stalking and abusing poor Cody, always being around him, stealing his things, harassing him in pretty much every way possible, and no one on his team even bothers trying to help(Which is a bad look for all of them, especially Gwen). Things don’t really go well for him in any aspect for a good half of the season, he is violated by Sierra, belittled by his teammates, gets hurt on a near constant basis, and can’t seem to garner respect from anyone except his psycho stalker. But things do turn around for him as the season goes on, he actually wins a few challenges for his team, knocks Duncan on his ass(WITH ONE PUNCH), and even begins to outlast the competition(Though largely due to various conflicts at play). He becomes sort of an underdog, as he fights against much more established competitors, he makes it all the way to the final three and even manages to come to terms with Sierra in the process. He ends up in a tiebreaker against Alejandro, which he came pretty close to winning before getting distracted and claiming a respectable 3rd place spot.
Cody is an interesting character in the grand plot of the season, he is almost entirely disconnected from the season’s main plots, outside of him punching Duncan during the love triangle fiasco, and of course his involvement in the finale. What plot he does have is, as I already mentioned before is wrapped up entirely with Sierra. This whole plot line just serves to show what I think is the thing that makes me like Cody so much, that fact that there are few characters in the series(for me at least) that generate as much Pathos as Cody. The poor guy can just never catch a break, he spends a good chunk of the season in pain be it physical(he’s frozen solid, gets a mild concussion due to a dingo, is drugged by Sierra to the point of hallucination, and almost eaten by shark) or emotional(being treated like dirt by his own team, Sierra’s harassment, Gwen rejecting him again), and is tormented by a crazy girl with serious boundary issues. On top of that the girl he likes picks a cheating asshole over him, and his chance at making the finals is stolen from him(he did lose to a distraction after all). It really does feel like the universe is just constantly shitting on him with no reprieve. But that helps feed into his underdog status. Fun fact, when I first watched this season he was far and away the character I wanted to win the most, not only because I find him relatable(fellow awkward nerd here) but because I really just felt bad for him and wanted him to get a win. You really find yourself rooting for the guy, especially as he starts to make it to the end, and it's out of this genuine sense of pathos, which makes it all the more satisfying when he actually does gain a victory here and there. Hell if it wasn’t of the HeatheAlejandro rivalry, I fully believe he could have beat Cameron to having the scrawny underdog makes it to the finale story, given the way the story frames it I almost believed that was going to happen.(But in retrospect I’m happy it didn’t)
But my love of Cody isn’t entirely based around pity. He still retains his dorky charm that made him likable back in Island, good examples of this are his interactions with Gwen(when they don’t get creepy that is), his pure child-like exuberance at getting candy, or even him caring for his Donkey during the China episode. He also has his fair share of awesome moments during the season, he wins the final challenge in Greece(all on his own might I add), ends up making a great commercial with Sierra in Japan(as the rest of his team wasted time arguing) and manages to build a giant version of Gwen’s head out of wood, which also doubles as a boat. And of course there is Planes, Trains and Hot Air Mobiles, where thanks to Sierra he gets a newfound sense of confidence, leading to him fighting Alejandro with a swordfish(Which is just badass) and very nearly winning the tiebreaker against him. One criticism I see lobbed against him is that he only made it far because of Sierra, while there is a degree of truth to that, moments like those show that when push comes to shove he can step up to the plate and I do believe he could have gotten far without her.
Another big plus Cody has going for him is his various interactions with the other characters. Firstly there is his main focus of the season Sierra, I already went on about their relationship, it is pretty entertaining(even if Sierra crosses the line majorly at points) it is a sort of karma for how he was with Gwen(But let me be clear here nothing he did with Gwen is anywhere near as bad as the stuff Sierra does to him) and there is a lot of comedy mined out of Cody’s continued suffering at her hands. But the best part about it is the resolution, as Sierra doesn’t end up getting to date Cody instead he(just like in TDI) makes the mature decision and simply talks to her realizing her good qualities(although he really shouldn’t have apologized as he didn’t need too) gets her to settle for just being friends(All-Stars notwithstanding but that’s for another time), and this leads to them being shown to be quite the effective team. Besides that there are other minor interactions, his continued pursuit of Gwen is nice even if it doesn’t get a happy ending due to Duncan, he gets into conflict with Alejandro near the end with is entertaining(now that I think about it it really reminds me of Lightning VS Cameron in a lot of ways) and Cody is even able to hold his own against him(at certain points), but the one that I enjoy the most, is his unexpected friendship with Heather. Now I’m gonna be brief on this for now(as I’m saving that discussion for Heather’s entry), but I really do love the kinda sorta bond they form, I am a big fan of odd pairings like that(same reason I liked Heather and Harold in Action) and it does lead to them both helping each other at points. Cody even ends up being the only person to genuinely support her in the finale, which is kind of sweet in a way, he even ends up being the catalyst for her victory, which is the cherry on top of there odd little friendship(At least I like to believe they consider each other friends in some sense).
Cody is a fun character this season, he takes what worked about him and Island and continues it while also getting to show off new depths. He’s funny, relatable(to me at least), is surprisingly skilled in areas, and is someone who’s easy to root for. His only negatives are that he can be really creepy sometimes(Not wearing underwear for starters), and his underdog story gets undercut right at the end(But it makes way for a better story so I’ll allow it). As a whole not too shabby for the Codemister.

\"From Simper to Simpee: The Cody Anderson Story\"
End Note: Yeah obvious final two is obvious I know, but be honest most of you probably have the same top two as I do (or maybe not Idk). But as obvious as the result may seem, I've have changed my opinion in the past so who knows?
Well make sure to tune in for the endgame starting tomorrow as we enter...
Final Two: Clash of the Villains!

Ranking

18th: Ezekiel
17th: Blaineley
16th: Duncan
15th: Izzy
14th: Leshawna
13th: Bridgette
12th: Harold
11th: DJ
10th:Lindsay
9th: Tyler
8th: Sierra
7th: Gwen
6th: Owen
5th: Courtney
4th: Noah
3rd: Cody
submitted by twofacedflyer to Totaldrama [link] [comments]


2020.10.28 02:28 lacroixtastesgreat 26 [F4M] Atlanta, Georgia / USA - Another person who's tired of dating apps.

Hello! I'm a 26 year old Georgia Peach looking to find an interesting guy to chat with. :) Dating apps are alright, but I've met a few interesting people through reddit so I figured it's time for another round of posting here!
Here's a bit of information on me:
-For starters, this is what I look like (https://imgur.com/a/S5Hr98B) I'm 5'4", full-figured but active (I'm a powerlifter, so there's that) and always rockin' a buzz cut. Hope you like tattoos and piercings, because I have plenty!
-Pre-COVID, I loved exploring my city, traveling, karaoke nights, chilling at my favorite bars and lifting heavy shit. Watching anime is one of my favorite pastimes and I've been frequenting conventions for the last 12 years! Just recently started getting into cosplay too. I also really enjoy listening to podcasts and watching documentaries, so if you have any recommendations please let me know!
-I'm very career driven and admit to being a bit of a workaholic. I have a lot of goals and the drive to achieve them. Thankfully, I'm passionate about what I do. I work in the beauty industry, so appearance and taking care of myself is very important to me. When you look good, you feel good and I love being able to make my clients feel great about themselves. :)
-I'm a non-religious liberal and prefer a partner who is also non-religious but it's not necessarily a deal breaker if you're tolerant.
If anything about me sounds interesting to you, please feel free to send me a message so we can chat! I'd also prefer you include a photo in your first message so I know who I'm talking to. Looking forward to hearing from you soon!
submitted by lacroixtastesgreat to r4r [link] [comments]


2020.10.28 02:24 tylerbozfoley I Led It Into My Bed

She had jet black hair.
Like a black Amex card.
Fitting, as only multi-millionaires could play with her.
I wasn’t a multi-millionaire, but I had ambition. You see that building? Slattery and Donahue. Ghouls and monsters paid defense attorneys six figures to make problems disappear. I made problems disappear. Some rapper rails two lines of coke and shoots someone in a club? Circumstantial, your honor. I represented a mayor once. Fucked a hooker and her heart exploded from all the narcotics he fed her. She laid dead on the bed, with her ass in the air as he continued to completion. This fucking mayor, who joked about his chronic lateness as running on “CP Time”. Colored People’s Time. A racist stereotype that black people were always late. A perfect client to waltz through the hallowed halls of Slattery and Donahue and get me to make his problem disappear. This was an evil place, but I had ambition.
She had jet black hair and was the daughter of Chadston Slattery. He liked them young. Usually interns fresh out of college. He had many children, but she was special. Lucy Slattery, with her perfect jet black hair.
She had friends in high places. Celebrities. Caked up sows and lobster head looking men that the media call beautiful people and that you should really care about.
I was top three percent of my class in Yale. Passed the Bar whilst dealing with the suicide of my mother. It was a slow progression up the law ladder. Others around me burned bright at both ends, while I slowly toiled away. A decade as a senior associate with Slattery.
Chadston knew I wanted to make partner, but my father was a laborer from Malta and my mother a Mexican nurse. I wanted to make partner but I wasn’t born into the right class of people. I could enjoy the shade of the tree, but never taste its elusive fruits.
Real class reductionism is always transformed into a generalized religion of Christ like victim narratives. I wanted to be the exception, and an opportunity presented itself to be the statistical outlier.
Chadston invited me into his office almost a year ago today. I had gotten the mayor off, and presumed I was to be congratulated with a small bonus. Little did I know then that Slattery himself was about to offer me the only thing I desired.
“It’s so hard having a legion of striver clerks do your job for you,” he said between puffs of some exotic cigar. A mahogany table separated us. Thick leather chairs were spaced accordingly and the cavernous room smelled of tobacco and cedar wood. A patriarchal space. He continued on, staring straight at me.
“Someone, I forget who -- once said that the current elite ‘preaches the 1960’s and lives in the 1950’s’. I think there’s a lot of truth in that,” he said, stubbing the cigar out in the center of the table.
“Jacobin in the streets and petite bourgeoisie in the sheets,” he said with that famous shit eating grin. I snickered, playing the minion role.
“In the future, being straight will be a lifestyle reserved for the elite,” I said. We’ve had many conversations in the past. I’d stake a claim, only to be rebutted.
Chadston smiled. Perhaps that remark resonated with him. I just wanted to know why the fuck I was summoned into Lucifer’s office.
“I have a unique problem, Elias. A problem I’m confident only you can fix,” he said.
“Have you met my daughter, Lucy?”
“Only through reputation and the tabloids.”
“I’m at my wits end with her. What I’m about to tell you can’t leave this room,” he said chillingly. Another stogie expertly lit up.
“She’s been seeing this rapper five years her junior. A real fucking hustler. My sources tell me --“
He struggled to get the words out.
“That he’s secretly proposed to her and she has agreed,” he said through gritted teeth. The agitation rippled through his body like electrical currents. Seeing this man in agony gave me pleasure. I once viewed him as a father figure, but then again I was once naïve, too.
“Congratulations,” I said, my tongue firmly in my cheek. He continued on, his stare unwavering.
“I don’t agree with her life choices and needless to say she doesn’t agree with mine, however -- I firmly believe that she is being taken advantage of in order to access my wealth.”
“Forgive me, but I’m not exactly sure how I can be of service –“
“I need you to break up the engagement. If you’re able to do that, I will make you partner on the spot,” he said. My heart raced. Ambition had finally met opportunity.
“What if she genuinely loves him?” I sincerely inquired. Having been engaged once, being a homewrecker didn’t sit quite well with me.
“Don’t be facetious, Elias. I’m not on one of your juries,” he lambasted back at me.
“I’m genuinely curious as to why you think I’m the man for this particular job,” I asked. The sentimentalist in me demanded an answer. A Thomas Cooley law graduate on the bench in my lifetime.
“Because you’re handsome and capable -- I’ve also now added an incentive,” he remarked. It sounded scripted, and it slightly unnerved me. Was I the only candidate? Had others been offered the same opportunity? I decided to test the boundaries of the agreement.
“And if I was to be in a position where I was to have sex with your daughter?” I asked with total conviction. He leaned forward, his head seemingly on fire as the smoke from the stogie partially obscured his facial features.
“Then you’ll fuck the memory of that nigger out of her,” he said. A full stop if there ever was one.
Driving back to my apartment after the meeting, I formulated a plan. I understood the depths of female rage. To men like Slattery, female rage is five inches deep. A plastic emotion which can accommodate objects of many shapes and sizes without causing any permanent changes in the female.
I stuck a picture of Lucy on my nightstand. That jet black hair. The voluminous, effervescent green eyes and pure, white skin. Outer worldly and alluring. Without realizing, the night had passed me by as I simply stared at the photograph. Transfixed. To get back on track, I started my research on the rapper fiancé, which lasted all of five minutes. Early twenties and covered in tattoos. A generic hit on the Billboard charts. Several baby mamas and worth just over six figures compared to Lucy’s hundreds of millions that she stood to inherit. It was either a clear case of rebellion and a spiritual fuck you to her father that Lucy was involved with such a delinquent, or love. My instincts steered toward the former. Neoliberalism is just another word for banker socialism after all. If there is a rebellion to be had, it will be had.
My phone beeped with a message from old man Slattery that I was invited to Lucy’s 27th birthday party. Hollywood affair. People magazine sponsored and Saint Laurent styled. I had two weeks to break up the relationship or the deal was off. Flying around the country to rabble rouse communities of which you’re not a part makes you an obnoxious interloper, but I decided to play the part.
You have ambition, my mother used to always tell me. Damn right, I did. But was I using it to get ahead, or was it using me for something else entirely?
A week later I flew across the country and took myself to where the address beckoned me. The doorman greeted me with a toothy grin. Asked for the invitation as the palm trees swayed intoxicatingly in the summer air. Limousines lined the narrow street. Sounds of Midwest Trap filled the air as they proliferated from the mansion gently nestled among the hills.
Inside, it was sandstone columns and floor to ceiling windows. Glazed partygoers moved where the wind took them. All looked like they subsisted on a diet of cocaine and hot air. It was a tough scene. Some men aren’t made for such unnatural restrictions on their will. Near the pool, hundreds of people were loading up and mingling. Bursts of laughter drowning amongst the constant splashing of the water. Near the periphery was a familiar face from back East, watching me like a hawk.
Slattery’s right hand man, Donny Lewis. Pudgy and bloated. That spot where chin meets jowl made for incredibly treacherous shaving every morning. He was braver than any first responder I ever met. He made his way over.
“Lucy is upstairs with Maybach. VIP is open to you,” he said.
The abundance of scantily clad females held no interest for Donny. He had no other discernible skill apart from man management, but that’s all you really needed. What all the prestigious colleges don’t teach you is that an individual worker, no matter how intelligent or hard working they are, produce a miniscule amount of actual work. This is why people management has been, and will remain, the most important skill in any modern economy. This is why making partner was the only thing that mattered to me.
The VIP room was just a hallway lined with blankets and pillows. Lucy was somewhere near the back, passing a joint between her girlfriends. Maybach, the gaunt rapper with wild eyes was sitting in a beanbag, watching the events with a fascinating curiosity. Not so much a participant, but rather an observer that was ostracized.
My presence was immediately felt by Lucy, who lowered her joint and beckoned me over with a shallow wave. The other women instinctively parted from the group, watching me with detached curiosity. Her eyes willed me in; not so much her beauty, which was bountiful, but rather her magnetism, which was unescapable.
“My father mentioned you would be joining us, Elias,” she said with a raspy voice. No doubt fried from the copious amount of dope she had smoked. A nearby joint had made its way to me, and I eagerly puffed at it. Smooth and nutty. I wasn’t about to leave any time soon, caught in a web of hedonism and miscreant intentions.
When the party died down, Lucy motioned for my hand. The room was stuck in motion, and I had to will myself off the floor in my crumpled suit. The expansive yard outside was bathed in orange and pink light from magic hour. The pool was glistening like a planet made of gas from a nearby solar system.
“You ever think all this weed will rob you of your ambition?” I asked with a staccato speech pattern. Her jet black hair impenetrable. Her legs statuesque.
“Nothing is more humbling than remembering the ways you consumed weed as a teenager,” she said with a playful swagger. She held my hand as we walked around the outskirts of the mammoth property.
“I know my father sent you to seduce me,” she laughed. “Don’t be embarrassed. It’s a yearly thing that father does”.
“You get engaged every year?” I asked, genuinely curious.
“No, but I purposefully date men that father doesn’t approve of as a subtle fuck you for controlling every aspect of my life,” she said.
The moon hung suspended in the fast approaching night sky; a blood orange fireball.
“Instead of kicking men like you out, I rather prefer getting to know them,” she said. The cat was out of the bag, but I couldn’t allow my dream to slip away on a beautiful Saturday evening.
“He promised me fortune and opportunity, but maybe I secretly said yes because I’m looking for a genuine connection,” I said with a straight face.
It might have been bullshit in that moment, but who isn’t constantly looking for love? I had my fair share of nubile, young and perky women, but Lucy was a prize.
A fire had been lit inside of me. My natural competitive spirit kicking in.
“A fun couples’ activity for you and your girl is what if she comes over to your apartment and cries for three hours?” she said.
“I would never do this because I’m too virile and strong, but maybe it would be fun for you and your girl,” she said, almost pessimistically.
Lucy wasn’t your typical traditional, conservative girl. She didn’t have a Vag of Honor. It was in that precise moment that I decided to proceed with the proposition. She insisted that I stay the night in one of the many vacant rooms. The pot was wearing off, and it was far too late to be entertaining thoughts of logistics. The room was spacious and inviting. A window overlooked the entire pool area, casting luminescent shadows all along the ceiling.
There was an envelope on the floor, addressed to me; obviously slid under the door at some stage of the night.
The illicit substances I consumed throughout the night had plateaued. With calm hands, I opened the envelope. Printed on white paper was a simple message.
“Leave”.
Simple, direct and ominous.
Splashing sounds from the pool caught my ear. Lucy and Maybach had decided to go skinny dipping. Lucy’s milky white skin juxtaposed against his Ugandan black. Arms and legs intertwined as the water rippled all around them.
They kissed. Tongues poking into each other’s mouths like Geckos. Maybach’s hands disappearing inside of her. Lucy seemed absent. Detached. More performance than human connection.
At that moment, she looked up at me. No surprise in her expression. As if she had expected me to be there. She held my gaze, as I felt my breaths getting shorter. She held my gaze, and smiled.
My dreams that night consisted of my failures. Ten years of sleepless nights. Working on cases. Scheming and constructing closing arguments. Persuading a jury on the benign notions of what empathy entails -- “Empathy” is the inane concept you get when you turn away from religion. A meaningless word for people too cowardly to believe in unchanging, objective moral law. Who think they’re high IQ but really subject to anyone with enough power to make that word mean whatever they want.
Ten years of defining empathy on behalf of shitbags. I awoke in a sweat and to another note under the door.
“You’re going to die”, this one said.
Maybach threatening me? Another suitor from Slattery trying to psyche me out? A test from Lucy to see if I stick around?
Breakfast was a continental affair in the courtyard with a few of the guests getting some much needed sunlight. Lucy was serving coffee. Still dazzling with no make-up on her face and wearing a simple linen dress.
That black hair crafted into an immaculate pony tail. A rope to climb into her brain and convince her to stop the charade with the rapper. To fulfil Slattery’s bonehead wishes and make partner.
She had a plane to catch down South, but she insisted we go for a walk in the nearby hills at midday. The sun was blazing in its ferocity, and I was squinting amidst the haze. Lucy wore a straw hat that made her green eyes open wide.
“I only met my biological mother a few times in my late teens”, Lucy said.
It didn’t really surprise me given Slattery’s reputation as a cocksman. Traces of empathy filled me for this gorgeous creature. Still, they were only traces.
“She gave me the most important advice I ever heard”, Lucy added. There was no one in the picturesque region. Just the two of us for miles in any direction.
“She said that your life doesn’t need to have a purpose or a grand ambition. That it’s okay to just wander through life finding interesting things until you die,” Lucy said with a smile.
“Seems like a great philosophy for someone who looks like you,” I interjected.
I also told her that without her father’s money, she’d be forced to either earn it herself or marry rich to afford that specific mentality.
“I don’t believe in equality in relationships. I wholeheartedly believe in female supremacy. I’m the complete opposite of a ‘pick me’. Understand this before making attempts to date me”, she said with a casual confidence.
She held my hand, and it felt electric. Not that romantic bullshit, but molecularly. I held it for as long as I could before letting go.
Date me?
It was obvious she was stringing me along, but for what purpose? I usually knew all the angles, yet I was hopeless around her.
There was a gala event to raise funds for a Democratic Senator the following weekend at the same mansion, and I was duly invited. When pressed for her reasoning in doing so, she remained coy.
She said I was different to the other suitors her father had sent over. That I didn’t immediately start scheming and manipulating her.
“Less greed and more infatuation”,” she said.
I’d argue it was both in equal measure, but I played along. My hand had burned ever since she held it. Sniffing it, it smelt primal. As if the seeds of nature had woven a careful and precise tapestry that forced its way inside my consciousness. There was an imprint of her palm inside mine, and it stung whenever I held a pen or something else that was made with artificial materials.
It was difficult to keep focus at work. Irrespective of where you point an MRI on a person over thirty, you have a very strong chance of finding significant damage, even in places without pain. Defending human garbage was taking a significant toll on me. My view is that this planet is used as a penal colony, lunatic asylum and dumping ground by a superior civilization to discard the undesirable and the unfit.
I can’t prove it, but you can’t disprove it either.
Being back in my New York apartment, it gave me pause to reflect. There were several cases I had to go over with a fine comb. Initiate contact with vermin represented by egotistical executive assistants. Yet all I could think about was Lucy. My hand pulsing with every heartbeat. Her scent growing stronger by the minute.
She had marked me.
The next morning I awoke to another sealed envelope delivered under my door. Simple instructions.
“Criniti’s at noon”.
I arrived twenty minutes early and ordered a Negroni. Seated at a good vantage point, I studied those around me. Lawyers and financiers. Shallow stream fish. I started to see what might happen next and it was pretty depressing. The worst, most insane people will do the same thing they’ve been doing for years but with fewer brakes, more institutional support and without meaningful opposition. They’ll go searching for enemies.
They’ll come for me.
Maybach walked into the restaurant. Made a beeline and sat directly opposite me.
“I’m not surprised it’s you,” I admitted truthfully.
“You need to quit this,” he said. Looking left and right. Paranoid.
“This isn’t personal. I’m not trying to steal your woman as a show of dominance,” I said almost pleadingly.
“I know the score. You’re not the first. You ever hear of Chris Popovski?” he asked.
“Yeah, he was in Finance at the firm. Took a job in the Chicago division last year,” I answered. My curiosity widening.
“No, he didn’t," Maybach answered rather forcefully. My drink had arrived and he gulped half of it in one swoop. The cocky, chilled demeanor from the party was noticeably absent.
“Why did you want to meet me?” I asked genuinely. The situation was awkward enough.
“To warn you,” he said with a sour tone.
“Do you love her?” I asked.
“This isn’t about love,” he replied with a snort. As if I offended him.
Another lengthy sip from my cocktail and he was out. Looking over his shoulder as he entered the street and disappeared into a sea of flesh.
Back in my apartment, I started pacing. My hand was throbbing, and every time I put it against my mouth, all I could taste was her. A cold shower didn’t help. Holding my penis in my left hand, I could feel the pulse of her going into me.
My brain circumventing itself. I needed work to distract me. I commenced my research to discredit a whistle-blower from a hedge firm. She had discovered a $200 million accounting entry for security expenses with no supporting invoices. She and her team worked discreetly at night to eventually unearth $2.4 billion in fraudulent accounting entries. She had an abortion a few months earlier and there were whispers of her having an affair with another executive.
Whispers that I could turn into a split jury.
My throbbing hand had subsided, but my thoughts turned untamed and fierce. My mind ran rampant. There was no end in sight for my obtuse soliloquies. I had no control. All I could think about was her.
My dreams started to get worse with each successive night. I pondered; when a child is born, families often hope it will turn out intelligent. I, through intelligence, have wasted my whole life. It’s only when one is born ignorant and stupid that they will lead a happy existence. I pondered; my name had become the German word for the satisfaction you feel when you observe awful people realizing they are surrounded by awful people and suffering. The path of morality had long been eroded, forgotten from memory. Covered in shrubbery and necklaced with accelerant. I burned in bright embers for my strawman had come to life. Became the worst version of myself.
I pondered; I need a fucking drink.
Friday had approached and I was beckoned back to L.A. Lucy had upgraded my seat to first class, with a glass of champagne upon seating. There were a few casual, late night conversations during the week. In spite of her unobtainable beauty, she gave the impression that you stood a chance.
“As far as romantic gifts are concerned, a bouquet of flowers is undeniably ass. Great, I guess I’ll go find a ‘vase’ and fill it with ‘water’ now. Thanks for the craft project, motherfucker,” she said whilst eating a bowl of microwavable Ramen.
“What about lingerie?” I enquired. Sleaziness oozing out of me. My prefrontal cortex suddenly non-existent.
“Better. Jewelry? Not great. Literature is only good if you really think I’ll like it. An activity of some sort is delightful. A home cooked meal is divine,” she revealed with a mouthful of noodle.
“Dick is timeless, though,” I blurted.
“Dick is timeless,” she alluringly repeated.
Picking me up from the airport, we rode through the hills once more, as she took me to a place where her mother used to bring her as a child. A pretty lake nestled amongst some Pinewood trees. No one around. We disrobed to our underwear and entered the picturesque body of water.
She had asked me if I wanted to kiss her, and I said yes, I did. Very much so. Her tongue slipped into my mouth and it felt like an electric eel shocking me into oblivion. Her black hair remained straight, penetrating the water like a heavy sinker. My hands gently rubbed her body, but she immediately pulled away. Swam toward the shore in a backstroke, her gaze never leaving mine.
We held hands on our drive back to her sandstone mansion in the middle of Laurel Canyon. Her heartbeat matched mine, as I felt it pulsate up and down my vertebrae. Parking on the side of the road, I enquired why she had invited me. “I’m not leaving Maybach, and you’re not going to make partner. You will be moved to Chicago and then exported somewhere else, never to be given an opportunity to progress again,” she said with the coldest of tones.
“You made me come all the way here just to tell me that?”
“I’ll be done with the formalities around eleven thirty. I want you to stay the night,” she said rather coyly.
“Why?” I said rather bluntly. She rubbed my shoulders and gave me a cheeky smile.
“Just relax and let it be fun for a while,” she said with a hint of playfulness.
That playfulness led me into her private bedroom, a room of scarce decoration and hint of coldness in the summer air. The bedsheets were linen. I sat on the edge of the bed, snorting her cocaine that had been left for me.
With my mind ablaze, my thoughts ran free spirited in my head. My future as a lawyer within the prestigious halls of Slattery and Donahue were effectively over. What was I to do? Quit? Become a “professional?” In my experience, people who do things “professionally” like PhD academics, code drones and the like are usually incredibly lazy, have little desire to pursue the advancement of the things they devote their lives to beyond the confines of what their employer tells them to do nine to five. I had ambition, and all I could show for it was a potential fuck with a woman who dripped sex. If you enjoy your dopamine hits from low value sources then you are screwed.
The hours had passed with my cocaine enhanced manic brain in overdrive. I was chomping at the bit, and then she walked in. Wearing a flimsy dress with her left breast showing. Pouted lips. I had no idea what the fuck was going on, but in that precise moment, I didn’t care. She leaned over me, her towering figure cloaking mine, and kissed me.
“Is this just a pity fuck?” I asked with a hint of bitterness.
“How about we make it worthwhile?” she said with a calm casualness.
I started to devour her, my lust taking over every fiber of my being. My aggression of being played from the outset manifesting in my movements. She seemed to enjoy it, but even then, everything seemed like an act and I was the punchline.
This is the part where it gets a little murky.
There was no precise moment when it happened. At one point, I was on top of Lucy, thrusting as hard as I could, when she gripped me with her vagina. She suddenly stood up, her strength superhuman, and I was too find out later, most definitely not of this world.
With a cement like grip on my throbbing penis, she covered my mouth with her left hand and stared deep into my eyes. Her mouth in a small, wry grin.
“Promise me you won’t fight it?” she asked.
Barely able to breathe, I started to panic, my heart beating like a Lebanese drum from fear and cocaine. With me securely attached in her love grip, she effortlessly opened the door with her free hand and proceeded down the winding stairs.
My cock inside her, gripped fierce. Her eyes then suddenly turned white. Beady pupils. Insect-like. In the foyer, empty. In the distance, a muffled monotone. A low rumble chant. My eyes, wide. Filled with dread, panic and despair.
“Don’t be afraid of what happens next,” she said with a sliver of the tongue.
She trudged to a closed wooden door, as a servant opened it. His gaze to the floor. Never above the horizontal. The sound of tearing flesh, as the skin from Lucy’s head started to split open. A spray of blood covered my face, temporarily blocking my view of my immediate surroundings.
I heard the doors open all the way, as the robotic chanting filled my ears. It came in waves, and always in a precise tone. The sound entered my body and refused to leave. As the blood slowly dripped down my face, I was able to open my eyes. Hundreds of people, all lined up against the wall, down on their knees. Their hands clasped together in a praying stance. Each wearing a red tunic and speaking in tongues.
Lucy walked into the center of the room, her head now resembling a Mantis. Her beak-like snout and mandibles. Opening wide. I managed to swivel my neck to the side, gasping for air amid her ferocious grip.
I spotted Slattery on the wooden floorboards, watching the proceedings from his knees. He made eye contact with me. No expression or recognition on his face. Just anticipation. After parading me to the guests, Lucy revealed herself. She shed all her skin, from neck to toe. Silky green legs and exoskeleton visible in the low light of the cavernous room. Stretching her legs, Lucy rose ten feet into air, as my nude body hung like an ornament on a demented Christmas tree.
There was a king sized bed in the center of the extravagant space, as Lucy led me into her bed. A circle formed around it, all the men crawling on their hands and knees. She proceeded to kiss me, her tongue darting in and out of my mouth. Up and down my throat. Every time I felt like gagging, she’d retract.
I spotted Maybach give me a sad stare. No doubt he’s seen countless of these rituals. He tried to warn me and I brushed him off. Maybach, your fiancé is a fucking Praying Mantis.
The chanting started to crescendo, as Lucy grabbed both my ankles and spread my legs. An upside down Jesus Christ. Atoning for my sins and wrongs, no doubt. She bit into my crutch, tearing away my penis and testicles in one motion. Blood dripping down my back and chest. Into my screaming mouth, choking me. Lucy then started tearing into my flesh, up and down my left thigh. Small, quick bites and swallows. All in the same motion.
My final thoughts went to my mother. Her last words on her death bed.
“You’ll never be truly fulfilled if your purpose is not bigger than yourself,” she gasped with cancer filled lungs.
Her final words damning me to Hell for eternal damnation. Sorry, Ma. I should’ve listened.
My left leg devoured, Lucy started eating my right. Her appetite ravenous. The arc of history is long but it bends back into itself so that both ends meet, forming a circle. My father taught me greed, and I listened with clarity, turning a deaf ear to anything else. In my last minute of life, I forced myself to conceptualize what I had learned during my thirty four years of existence. You want a traditional life, with a little wife at home baking and acting all happy? You need to make half a million dollars a year. Half a million dollars or you’re a hustling piece of excrement like me.
My right leg gone, Lucy held onto my left arm, as she started to nibble my triceps. She slowed down, and the crowd fell in suit. Their bloodlust either satisfied or simply keeping rhythm. John Bonham keeping pace on my Stairway to Hell.
Whatever, I just lost my cock.
To hell with theory.
Just finish me off you demented cunt of a woman.
And then, she dropped me onto the bed. Legless, along with just a slither of an arm left. I lay in a crumpled heap; broken and disfigured. Lucy leaned down over the bed, her beady eyes staring at me. With a smile, she picked up my chin and raised it so it was level with her blood covered jaw.
“I just saved your life,” she said without a hint of irony or malice.
As I slowly passed out from the loss of blood, she smiled at me. As my eyelids closed, I swore she blew me a kiss.
I don’t remember how I got to hospital in Newark, but I was heavily bandaged and the bills were taken care of through my health insurance. Thank you, Slattery. Your coverage was always exemplary.
Rehabilitation took many months, as the muscles and staunch fibers in my arms developed enough to push a modern wheelchair around. Half motor-assisted, half human powered. Almost a year to the day, I rolled myself out of Tristate Health and Wellness Medical Care Center. My physiotherapist was convinced I’d salvaged my dignity and humanity over the course of the year. Rolling down the exit ramp, I felt more human than when I did being stretchered in. I rolled myself down to Slattery and Donahue, not having seen the place in quite a while.
For closure’s sake.
Rolled to this very table and ordered a cappuccino with a metal straw. Plastic the new Satan. Lucy waltzed out with Maybach, his face a look of blissful concern, if that were even possible. She looked as beautiful as ever, as I watched them go down 13th Street.
There was no closure.
I was eaten by some intergalactic insect that spared me for some inexplicable reason.
Lessons learned?
Avoiding scale is the recipe for happiness. Keep a small group of close friends, work with a small team of people, and avoid big law firms. Economically, the idea is absurd. Emotionally, it increasingly feels true.
I googled a support group for the recently disabled. Wheeling Forward. Nearby location. Plenty of ramps on site. Free coffee. I got there early and started chatting with the organizer. Nice woman. Late sixties and a paraplegic. It got busy around eight o’clock when I recognized a familiar face.
Chris Popovski.
Took the senior attorney role in Chicago a few years back. Well, evidently not. More familiar faces started rolling in. There was Pete that got moved to Baltimore. There was Andrew who got shafted to D.C. Adam who got managed out to San Francisco.
So many familiar faces that a mild panic washed over me. So many familiar faces with missing limbs.
They all formed a makeshift circle around me. Warm smiles with positive energy.
“Hello, Elias,” Chris said with a gentle nod of the head.
“We’ve been expecting you”.
submitted by tylerbozfoley to scarystories [link] [comments]


2020.10.28 02:16 EssGee94 DPC Watchdog Violation BSoD That Won't Go Away (I've Tried Everything!)

Hi Everyone,
I'm running into an issue on my PC where I keep running into "DPC Watchdog Violation". It happens at random intervals-sometimes all is fine for days and I'll think I fixed it, and then it'll come back and happen 4 times in a day. This can happen when I'm browsing reddit, watching a video, or while I'm on the desktop with no applications running.
First, it'll freeze and the lights on my mouse and keyboard will go out, and then after about 10 seconds I get the BSoD with the Watchdog Violation.

I've taken a number of steps to try and solve this, but I can't figure it out. I'm really hoping there's someone who could give me some advice. What I've done so far:
1.Used the following in cmd with nothing out of the ordinary appearing:
dism /Online /NoRestart /Cleanup-Image /CheckHealth dism /Online /NoRestart /Cleanup-Image /ScanHealth dism /Online /NoRestart /Cleanup-Image /RestoreHealth dism /Online /NoRestart /Cleanup-Image /StartComponentCleanup dism /Online /NoRestart /Cleanup-Image /AnalyzeComponentStore
sfc /scannow
chkdsk %systemdrive% /F /R
  1. Updated all my drivers
  2. Updated Windows
  3. Made sure there were not multiple security applications installed
  4. Downloaded BlueScreenView to look at the dmp logs
  5. After seeing nvlddmkm.sys as one of the problems in the first dmp (as well as ntoskrnl.exe and hal.dll), I downloaded DisplayDriverUninstaller and wiped everything NVIDIA related off my machine, and then installed the latest driver for my gpu from the NVIDIA site.
  6. It kept happening, but only flagging ntoskrnl.exe and hal.dll as the problems.
  7. It happened again, this time adding Netwtw06.sys as one of the problems. I deleted my intel wireless ac driver, as I read that this was the driver connected to Netwtw06.sys and I use ethernet anyway.
  8. It kept happening with ntoskrnl.exe and hal.dll, and then eventually nvlddmkm.sys CAME BACK as one of the listed problem, which is where I'm at now.

Any pointers on where to go next with this issue would be hugely appreciated.
My Specs:
OS Name Microsoft Windows 10 Pro
Version 10.0.18363 Build 18363
Other OS Description Not Available
OS Manufacturer Microsoft Corporation
System Name SEANDROIDPC
System Manufacturer System manufacturer
System Model System Product Name
System Type x64-based PC
System SKU ASUS_MB_CNL
Processor Intel(R) Core(TM) i7-9700KF CPU @ 3.60GHz, 3600 Mhz, 8 Core(s), 8 Logical Processor(s)
BIOS Version/Date American Megatrends Inc. 2606, 2019-10-24
SMBIOS Version 3.2
Embedded Controller Version 255.255
BIOS Mode UEFI
BaseBoard Manufacturer ASUSTeK COMPUTER INC.
BaseBoard Product TUF Z390-PLUS GAMING (WI-FI)
BaseBoard Version Rev X.0x
Platform Role Desktop
Secure Boot State Off
PCR7 Configuration Binding Not Possible
Windows Directory C:\Windows
System Directory C:\Windows\system32
Boot Device \Device\HarddiskVolume2
Locale United States
Hardware Abstraction Layer Version = "10.0.18362.752"
Installed Physical Memory (RAM) 64.0 GB
submitted by EssGee94 to techsupport [link] [comments]


2020.10.28 02:09 bearstevenlee 33 [M4F] Canada. Is there a white girl who's interested in dating a Korean Canadian (me)? I'm an Asian, but I'm not interested in Asian girls. I'm into white girls. You don't have to live in Canada. I don't care if you live in USA, Norway or wherever. Long distance relationship is fine.

33 [M4F] Canada. Is there a white girl who's interested in dating a Korean Canadian (me)? I'm an Asian, but I'm not interested in Asian girls. I'm into white girls. You don't have to live in Canada. I don't care if you live in USA, Norway or wherever. Long distance relationship is fine.
You can check my face & body in the following 2 links. I'm looking for a serious relationship that can lead to a long term relationship & marriage. So, if you are that girl, you must be willing to marry a Korean guy.
https://imgur.com/a/OLTPUIl
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YtVpd_7ORGE
I'm skinny, not muscular. But some girls like skinny body, so I'm happy with my body. (In fact, I plan on losing more weight.) I will share my hobbies or any interesting stories about me when there's a girl interested in getting to know me. For now, if there's an initial attraction, contact me.
submitted by bearstevenlee to r4r [link] [comments]


2020.10.28 02:01 500scnds [Table] IamA Anonymous Kidney Donor from Canada AMA!

Source
Questions Answers
As a Chronic Kidney Disease Stage 3 patient, I want to thank you sincerely for giving someone a chance at life. It’s unlikely I will be a candidate for donor surgery (other issues) but selfless individuals like you provide hope to patients and their families. I forgot to ask a question... whoops! Why did you decide to be a living donor as opposed to donating after death? And to add further, would you also consider donating after death? I'm sorry to hear about your health :(
I genuinely don't know what prompted me, I don't know anyone personally with kidney disease. I've been donating blood for years (more than 30 times) and I just never felt it was enough, so I looked for bigger ways to help and found this.
I'm 100% committed to donating after death and am excited to help even more people.
I am considering donating a kidney to a family member and have a lot of questions! How did you prepare for the procedure (both physically and mentally)? How will your diet and lifestyle need to change? How has recovery been so far? Any regrets? Any surprises you weren’t prepared for? Things you wish you knew before you committed to this? Edit: thank you so much for your selfless act of heroism. The idea that a kind stranger like yourself could save the life of someone whose family loves and needs them to keep living is beyond amazing. I spent over a year mentally preparing for this, from when I decided to do this to when it actually happened. Physically, I'm already in relatively healthy shape so that was no problem.
Diet and lifestyle are almost no longterm changes, I can't play contact sports and but never did anyways. I also have to be careful of what drugs/medication I take since some do stuff in the kidney and that can be an issue, but I have friends who are pharmacists and they're happy to help.
Recovery was fine, The first 2 days were constant pain and the pain-killers really helped but after that I was able to walk and 2 weeks later I can do anything except exercise.
No surprises, the staff was annoying thorough. They would tell me everything 3 times to make sure I understood. Only thing, I handled the pain a lot better than I expected which I'm proud of.
Nothing I wish I knew before committing, they were unbelievably thorough.
the below is a reply to the above
I had actually looked into anonymous kidney donation but as someone with chronic headaches I don’t know if I could live without ibuprofen. I literally always have it with me. Are there any other drugs you can’t take after donating a kidney? Congratulations on considering being a donor!
If donating causes you any pain in any way, don't do it. Throughout the entire process, the staff always explained that the donor is the absolute highest priority and as such, you need to be taken care of the most.
You actually inspired me to check out the list since I didn't know all of them:
Aspirin, Ibuprofen, things that treat heartburn, acid reflux, ulcers, and some anti-biotics
Tylenol is perfectly fine
the below is another reply to the original answer
"I can't play contact sports" Why? Besides this, do you feel/see the "depression"/hole where the kidney was taken of? I think it's called Acute Kidney Injury.. and I'm guessing the doctors just want to be overly safe, doesn't bother me though, that stuff isn't for me.
There's sort of a sunken area on my stomach where the kidney used to be, I think it'll eventually fill out but right now it's not even.
'For safety reasons I'll never meet them - is this in case you want it back? Congratulations though, very honourable thing you have done and im sure whoever has the kidney is thankful. Sort of..
There have been stories of donors harassing the recipient for money or if the donor thinks the recipient isn't living a healthy lifestyle.
Also goes both ways though, some recipients will harass the donor with their thanks when the donor just wants to do a good deed without the praise.
Personally, I want to meet my person but I respect the rules and that's that.
the below is a reply to the above
I think it's more like if something goes wrong, sorry to be gloomy but that's what i think , though that is a Brave move kudos on you for doing it, wishing you many healthy happy years to go ! I definitely think that's a big part of it.
Not gloomy, they probably have a suite of health issues, that's just the reality.
the below is another reply to the original answer
"Personally, I want to meet my person" Is that why you did an AMA on reddit? :P Because if 15 people do this a year in your whole country, chances are you could fairly easily work out who you'd donated to! That leaves on average a 24 day window between donations/surgeries so if someone comments here that they just had an anonymous kidney donation it's fairly likely that it's the person you donated to. This a smart question!
Short answer: Yeah sort of, but also to encourage people to learn about organ donation.
The way the donation works is there are only 3 times a year when you can donate, so there are probably 4 other anonymous donors at nearly the same time. Also there are 65 other non-anonymous donors that might have donated to that random person in order to donate to their recipient.. it's complicated to explain.
First off you’re a hero and thank you for being so generous. I was born with only one kidney, but everything worked out fine for me. Secondly, do they pay you for your time you have to take off work and other expenses, or do you have to prepare for all of those things ahead of time? That's cool! Most people can live a regular life with only 1 kidney.
My expenses were basically nothing, I think I paid maybe $15 for parking and a couple of coffees from trips to the hospital.
Insurance paid for 6 weeks of paid leave with a cap of $5k. The hospital works with you to deal with all of it, it's really easy.
the below is a reply to the above
Didn't you worry a family member might need one later? Yes and no.
No because my family doesn't have a history of kidney disease and we're all pretty healthy individuals. Yes because there's always a chance. It's a little self-serving but I'm willing to gamble that chance.
the below is a reply to the above
How's it self serving? Were you paid? No, you aren't allowed to be compensated in any way if you choose to donate.
I just meant it was self-serving by donating instead of not donating and having the kidney around for them potentially.
the below is another reply to the second answer
I was under the impression that donating an organ put you higher up on the list for receiving one in return if you ever need it - is this true? Could you trade that slot to someone else? Yes and no.
I got priority if something ever happens to me, but I can't give that privilege to anyone else (not my spouse, children, etc).
the below is another reply to the original answer
Was it your provincial insurance covering your wages or your employer? Employer!
They gave me 6 weeks paid medical leave!
the below is another reply to the original answer
I have wanted to do this for a long time but I’m a single mom so I struggled with the money factor for being off work. You mentioned insurance pays 6 weeks off work? Is this private insurance or Msp? Private insurance through my work, not sure how/if it works with MSP.
the below is another reply to the original answer
the_village_bicycle: With it seeming to be this easy I’m surprised that more people don’t do it too. I’m sure pain must be a factor but knowing you’ve saved a life must be indescribable and ultimately worth it. It’s amazing of you chumpydo: I'm sure it's a more selfish reason - only having one remaining kidney means that if it fails, you're at a major risk, rather than waiting for a transfer (if even possible with only one kidney?) Twice_Knightley: They bump you to the top of the list. (My understanding is that a parent/sibling is ALSO bumped to the top if you're not eligible to donate, because you clearly would have). People live a long time with very little kidney function, they just need regular dialysis, so it's a possibility. In Canada family isn't bumped to the top of the list, only the donor.
the below is another reply to the original answer
"Insurance paid for 6 weeks of paid leave with a cap of $5k. The hospital works with you to deal with all of it, it's really easy." That’s a low cap. What if you make more that $20.83/hour? Also, what insurance? Canadian Medicare? Private insurance I pay for through my work
It is a low cap. It doesn't really bother me though I'm in a healthy financial position, thankfully.
That’s awesome! I’ve planned on being a partial liver donor for a few years but I’m going to wait until I’m older. Do you worry about permanent effects that could negatively impact your health? Like if (God forbid) something happens that is bad for the kidneys and you are at a disadvantage because you don’t have a backup? Or you aren’t able to filter something in your blood good enough because there’s only one? One of the reasons I want to donate part of my liver is because it will regenerate eventually but I’m interested in hearing your thoughts? wow! That's a really brave thing to do! Congratulations!
I genuinely don't worry about the permanent effects. From all the tests I had to do, I'm statistically more likely to live longer than the average Canadian even with the missing kidney. I also did it while I'm younger (26) so that my body is able to heal faster. The hospital has conditions where if something does happen to me and I need a kidney, I get priority which, I hope never happens.
Liver donation is so cool! They can regenerate almost fully! I heard liver is a longer stay in the hospital and recovery. I thought about donating my liver but the way kidney pair donation (KPD) works is that I was able to help more people by giving a kidney.
A solo kidney works at 60-70% max function, where 2 kidneys work at 100% and the doctors say that 60% is enough to keep anyone healthy. I'll be bringing a water bottle with me more often though, haha!
I read that your expenses were covered. But did you in general get paid for it or have you done it for free? How did the matching happen? Who found that you would fit and approached you? Maybe a silly question but I have no idea of it... Don't you think it is a bit risky to publish your photo and the donation date while there are only 15 people doing this per year and it should stay anonymous? No. Canada is very, very strict with the rules that the donor will not be compensated in any way.
I reached out to the hospital network and they put all donors and recipients into an algorithm to find as many matches as possible. If you check out the proof album I have an infographic that sort of explains it? If it doesn't I can try harder.
I mean, a face doesn't really do anything - they need a name/hospital/etc. My donor doesn't know anything about me. If he/she/they see this they see someone donated but they don't know who their person is, not my age/race/gendeetc. There's 15 anonymous donors per year, but there's another 80 people that donate to other people to help their person (it's complicated, sort of like trading kidneys).
Wow - that's an amazingly generous gift. Great job on being what the evidence suggests is a pretty fantastic and selfless human. You seem to have mastered one of the traits I admire the most: you're someone whose actions match their convictions. Do you have any advice that could help people learn to live by their own convictions, and be more true to their ideals? Good luck with the recovery, and I hope your kidney and it's recipient are doing great too! Wow! That's really high praise, thank you so much!
finding people that support your decisions no matter how small was the biggest encouragement for me, I wouldn't have done this if family and friends didn't encourage me.
The first thing to surgeon told me was that the recipient's body accepted the kidney :)
How difficult were the psychological questions they had? I've looked into the process before and it seems they only want people who are doing it for the right reasons and state of mind. Not very hard!
I spent a few hours with a psychiatrist talking about why decided to donate, if I had suicidal thoughts, my family and romantic relationships, etc.
She was friendly!
You are a great homo sapiens and make the world a better place. Have you ever wondered if your mystery donee now exhibits aspects of your personality? I expect the recipient to slowly start growing a beard and play more Magic: The Gathering. Otherwise this will be a wasted experiment.
That's awesome! You're a hero. My husband has a rare genetic kidney disease. Right now he's fine and living a perfectly normal life - he takes like three different pills every day before bed and has to see a nephrologist every year for a checkup, but otherwise it doesn't affect his daily life at all. However they told us that it's likely he'll need a new kidney some day. Sorry if this has been asked before, but what made you decide to do this? I'm sorry to hear that.
I've given blood for several years (30+ times) and felt I wasn't doing enough. I started to look for other ways to help my community.. volunteering, joining groups, etc. Eventually I read about these people in need of organs and decided that this was how I could help!
So I may be giving a kidney to my dad. What do you regret about donating? Thanks for what you have done! Congratulations! That's a really brave thing to even consider!
It's still recent, but I don't have any regrets right now. I'm a healthy person that eats well and exercises, we can't see the future but all the tests I've done say I should live a long and healthy life. I'm so proud of what I've done and don't have any regrets.
the below is a reply to the above
How much time did it take from starting the process to full recovery? Still not fully recovered!
They said about 6 weeks from the day you leave the OR, I'm young/healthy so I'm hoping a little less.
You are a hero, and also a mind-reader: I was just thinking about kidney donation yesterday evening! To clarify, even considering organ donation (even upon my death) makes me feel all kinds of wrong I can't seem to put in to words right now. I did, however, sign up for organ donation upon death after watching a compelling YouTube video some years ago. But all the same, just to think about donating any part of my body makes me very queasy. I was wondering how it feels once you are fully healed and back at full strength; do you sense something is missing from inside? (Whether a physical absence or in a psychological sense.) What sorts of pastimes many of us indulge in with reckless abandon, e.g. alcohol, drugs etc. are now off-limits for you? Thanks!
You're brave for even considering it, and congrats on signing up for the death organ donation!
When I touch stomach I can feel that there's something physically missing; the left side of my stomach is a little smaller than the right. Psychologically, I don't miss it at all maybe that'll change, but I doubt it.
I can drink/smoke (those are the only drugs I use) just as much as before, I was told I could drink the day I left the hospital.
No contact sports. No advil (because of the way it breaks down in the kidney).
the below is a reply to the above
No contact sports? Ever or just for recovery period? No contact sports ever.
I can't even run during the recovery period.
Hi, I have no words to describe how much I admire your generosity and thank you very much for doing this AMA. I have been donating blood and I have had a strong urge to do something bigger like you. So, an anonymous donation is something that I've been considering since few months now. However, at the same time a small part of me wonders if I'll regret it in the future. To be honest, I don't have any second thoughts about it to do it now but I would like to be mentally prepared and know how to deal with future me if in case I have to. I don't know if it makes any sense. Did you feel this way? or Did you had any second thoughts? In either case, what helped you to sort out your thoughts? You're describing my feelings perfectly.
It's like a pendulum the way my feelings would swing from terror to relentless pushing. Even the morning of surgery I was scared and anxious.
Ultimately I knew that it was what I wanted deep down - that always guided me. I spent over a year working for this, going to appointments and doing blood/urine tests. I did it for me, because I believed in what I was doing.
Does this create internal pressure for you to live a healthy lifestyle since you don't have a kidney to spare at this point? Yes and no.
yes because I need to live with more awareness and caution which is something I struggle with. No because I don't do dangerous things and already live a healthy life, you need to be really healthy to donate in the first place.
the below is a reply to the above
Got it. How does your family feel about you donating your kidney? i.e. Did your spouse/parents approve? You've done a wonderful thing here, by the way. I hope you get to meet your donee one day. Maybe you'll cross paths innocently and discover each other's true identity! Family was the least supportive of (almost) anyone I told at first; they were mostly worried about my health, which is reasonable. They turned around and became huge supporters, my dad was with me in the hospital when I was recovering.
Haha, I hope so!
Aren't you worried about the long term increases to your health? It's a little ignorant, but not really.
Obviously the surgery will have long term impacts on my health but based on all the tests (and there were a lot!) I'm in the top 1% of Canadians in terms of health. Statistically, organ donors live longer than non-organ donors.
Saw this pretty late, so I'm not sure if you'll even see this. As somebody with ADPKD who will need a new kidney in 2 or 3 decades, I just wanted to say thank you! My dad got a transplant several years ago, with my uncle as the donor, and both of them are doing great. Being an organ donor if the unexpected happens is great, but being a living donor for someone you don't know is fucking INCREDIBLE. So selfless. How's the recovery? I know when my dad had his impacted kidney removed and then the replacement put in, he lost a lot of abdominal strength. Not sure if that was specific to his case, since the kidney that was removed was pretty severely deteriorated and much much larger than normal. Thank you so much!
I've never heard of the kidney being removed or losing abdominal strength so I have to guess it's specific to him, glad they're doing well now!
Recovery is going great! I'm back to 95% health, and the last 5% is the ability to exercise. I feel like I have normal abdominal strength but I haven't had a chance to test that yet.
How can you be anonymous? What if your kidney sees this and recognizes you? /s Seriously, this is great. Real question: how much pain is there in donating? It's been about 2 weeks since the operation and the only pain is when I move too fast, like light jogging.
The first day you can barely move and it's a constant 5-8/10 pain. It's also hard to concentrate on conversation, really the only thing to do is breathe. They provide as many pain-killers as any reasonable person could want, and it's genuinely scary how good they feel.
For about 2 weeks it's a constant 2/10 pain, which is really manageable.
Simply wonderful. Will this adversely affect your future years in any meaningful way? The surgery will have long term impacts on my health but based on all the tests (and there were a lot!) I'm in the top 1% of Canadians in terms of health. Statistically, organ donors live longer than non-organ donors.
No contact sports, and careful around medication.
How long do you have to wait till you can exercise? And what kind of exercise/vigorous activity you must not do, even long after the operation? Can't exercise for about 6 weeks.
After that I'm told that I shouldn't play contact sports.
If you have one kidney can you only drink half of what you could drink? That's the liver! I can drink like a fish!
The kidney loves liquid so I've been drinking like 4 liters of water a day, I almost live in the bathroom.
I’ll be doing this in October. Do you have any advice? Anything you didn’t expect due to the pandemic situation? Holy shit! Congratulations!
You know, just do what the staff says and you'll be fine. When I was in pre-op, there was a patient arguing with the nurses because they ate/drank after their cut-off time. You recover faster then you expect, then slower than you expect.
No covid surprises for me, just quarantining as much as possible and wearing a mask as much as possible.
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Is the “no drinking or eating” thing BS just to keep to lawyers away or does it actually matter for safety? Thanks you for doing this AMA and being a great human being. I mean, it stimulates the digestive system and all that, depends on what they're doing I guess.. the hospital can always just refuse to do the surgery though.
I don't think it's BS.
Thanks for doing this, both donating and taking the time to answer our questions! My friends mom had a kidney transplant a few years ago. Before that I didn’t realize they don’t remove the damaged kidney from the recipient. It sounds like your team thoroughly explained the procedure to you. Did they also explain what the procedure would be for the recipient? I've heard some people have like 5 kidneys in them. There's gotta be a limit but idk what it is.
They explained it briefly, I know the recipient is in the hospital longer than me and will most likely need medication for the rest of their lives. The body may try to fight the new kidney and kill it, hence the meds. They swell up with like 10-20 lbs of water weight for a day or 2. Their scar(s) are way bigger and in more visible spots.
I didn't really need to learn about their stuff so I didn't, maybe I should have.
You’re probably not still answering questions, but in case you are: how incredibly healthy do you have to be? What tests did you have to take and “pass”? I was looking into this for a friend who needs a kidney, but my liver numbers are abnormally high and dr’s don’t have a diagnosis on it. I wonder if that would preclude me? Very healthy!
Tests: 10+ blood, 3 urine, CT scan, x-rays, psychiatry, family medical health, and a covid swab.
If they don't know something, it generally precludes you. Here's hoping the doctors can figure it out!
As someone who will probably need a kidney in the future (stupid genetic diseases), I just want to say you're awesome! It's comforting to know there are selfless people out there. I'm curious, in the US if you're a live donor and end up needing a kidney yourself, you're immediately moved to the top of the list. Does Canada do anything similar? You've done your research!
Yeah, it's top of the list in Canada too!
Heya! I've been thinking about tissue donation a quite a bit lately. Where can one go to sign up to be a tissue donor in Canada? Or should I just just google that.... Looks like it varies by province! https://www.canada.ca/en/public-health/services/healthy-living/blood-organ-tissue-donation.html#a2 This is kind of a pain in the butt! I looks like there isn't a central registry at all but a registry per organ/tissue. Congratulations on taking the first step!
Canada is annoying because each region/organ has their own systems. Mainly, because they don't want to fly you somewhere to donate (even though they do that sometimes) to someone you match with, and would prefer finding someone nearby.. I think.
Even if you only ever consider donating, that's a huge accomplishment!
Were you surprised/excited when they told you you were in the top 1% for healthy Canadians? I would brag about that forever, except it's probably easier to be in the top 1% health wise here in the US haha. Haha, it's pretty cool. My pickup line is talking about how healthy my babies will be.
I expected myself to be high since I've always felt healthy, but yeah 1% is surprising.
What was your inspiration to do such a thing? I used to donate blood (30+ times) and felt I wasn't doing enough. I found out about organ donation and decided to participate! Just trying to help people
Wait, you only donated one? Come back when you save like a dozen kidneyless. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D_5nLxZVoPo
This will be me.
Wow this is absolutely the most courageous thing I’ve heard in a long while! What was the selection/matching process like? Do you know how they matched you with your recipient? I’ve always been lead to believe that it’s a matter of blood type but I’m not entirely sure! It's complicated but an algorithm picks my recipient based on compatibility. Blood type, cell similarity (whatever that is), immune system reactions my cells.
As far as my activity during the matching, it was 0.
Blood-type is the most important one, but if the other conditions are bad then it's a no.
Anyone can donate one kidney. Do you plan to donate a second? Sorry, I couldn't help myself. Thank you for your kindness and generosity. When you said that the age of Canadian donors is typically 40-60, are you implying that it's a bad thing for that age group to do most of the donating? Second, even third hopefully!
Now that I reread that line, it sort of does seem like I'm implying that.. While it is better to get a younger kidney, the biggest thing is being a living donor vs deceased. A kidney from a living donor will outperform deceased 9/10 times.
Hey thanks for doing that it’s truly a great sacrifice. I’m a Canadian and have always wanted to do that. I registered through OneMatch to be a donor but how do i go About donating a Kidney? OneMatch is great! I got the swab too a few years ago, haven't gotten called yet!
Congratulations on considering being a donor! All depends on what province you're in, they all have the same but different services.
https://www.blood.ca/en/organs-issues/living-donation/kidney-paired-donation-program
This page has all the contact information you need!
What was the scariest part of the whole process? Did your family or anyone else try to say that you shouldn’t do it? Scariest part for me was getting wheeled into the OR. I was laying flat down and could only see the generic white ceiling. Once in the OR I felt calm and 2 minutes later I was unconscious.
Family was the least supportive of (almost) anyone I told at first; they were mostly worried about my health, which is reasonable. They turned around and became huge supporters, my dad was with me in the hospital when I was recovering.
How did you convince yourself to step up? It must have taken a lot of courage. I'd love to donate a kidney, but I made the mistake of watching a kidney transplant on TV. Also I could never afford the medical expenses, and heaven forbid if my other kidney failed. Thanks! It's scary but I really felt it was the right thing to do, and that's what pushed me.
Other people have said in this post that in the USA, the recipient's insurance covers the whole cost. In Canada, I paid almost nothing in medical expenses.
Do you see yourself doing it again in the future? I plan on giving a second, third, and maybe a fourth.
Would you be eligible to receive a kidney from someone in the future if your remaining one has issues? Good on you for doing this ... it’s scary to me but I applaud anyone that goes through with it for sure. Yep, donating gives me (and only me) priority if anything ever happens.
The hospital does as much testing as possible to ensure that it's as unlikely as possible though.
Hi there!! What an amazing gift to give! I am recently approved to donate my kidney to my husband who is in end stage kidney failure. The surgery will be early next year. Can you give me a summary of the recovery afterwards? What to expect when waking up and the first few weeks afterwards? Wow! Congratulations!
The recovery was faster and slower than I expected.
The first 3-5 hours were 8/10 pain, couldn't talk, couldn't listen, couldn't move. Only focus on breathing.
The next 20 hours went from 7/10 pain - 5/10 pain with occasional flairs of 8/10, could talk, could listen, couldn't move my torso, but could move my arms.
They ran tests every 2 hours and would wake me up at 2,4,6 am to take temperature, blood pressure, and heart rate.
By about hour 30 I could get up with help and walk - I was hunched over, and in pain, and each step was less than 6 inches.
The next 20 hours the pain went down to 2-4/10. I could get up on my own with a lot of effort.
The next 4 days I could walk and get up and move on my own but very very slowly, pain was 2/10.
It's been 2 weeks and I still can't jog but I'm living 95% normally (5% for the exercising).
My friend in Canada received a kidney from a living donor on August 26. Thanks to people like you, they have a second chance at a full life. It’s a lot more courageous to give up an organ when you still use it. Between my two cousins, they’ve had three heart transplants (obviously no living donors there). I’d hope that everyone that sees this post considers registering as an organ donor. Did you have any personal experiences with organ donation before choosing to donate yourself? None whatsoever! My family got really lucky with genetics.
Was that iPhone 6 worth it? Nope, I did it to get off work for 6 weeks.
Were you part of a donation chain, or just a straight up "I have 2, I only need 1. Here have the other"? I just straight up gave it away. I think I started a chain and the end link is someone who doesn't have a person that can join the kidney exchange program with them.
Do you know anything about the recipient? Gender? Age? Ethnicity? Ailment? Nope nothing! Only thing I know is they took to the kidney well right after the surgery.
Do you believe the difference in donation rates between Canada and USA is due to the difference in the healthcare system, or more of a cultural difference broadly speaking? I know the answer is not either or, not mutually exclusive, but if you had to point to one reason more than the other, what would you select? I took a quick peak at the numbers are saw:
Average wait for kidney USA: 3.6 yrs
Average wait for kidney Canada: 4 yrs
Do you know that the donation rates per capita are that much higher in Canada?
I gotta believe it's an access to healthcare issue, but I'm open to other answers :)
Does anything feel different? Nope, it's been 2 weeks and everything feel normal (except I can't exercise yet).
Would you have done it and not told anyone about it to get the pat on the back? There's a reason why they say there's no such thing as a selfless act. The encouragement and praise feels great, yeah. I'd like to believe that I'd do it even without that stuff.
I genuinely think I'm doing this ama to tell people about the opportunity to help others.. maybe it's both though.
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You added your own picture so I'm led to believe you wanted the pat on the back more, so I don't know why you're bragging about "anonymous" If you wanna do a selfless act then don't go bragging about it next time, zero respect This is my first AMA and I wasn't sure the level of proof I needed, didn't want the automod to remove this, I guess.
Your comments are fair. have a good one!
What's your favourite potato based dish? I'm Canadian, and legally obligated to say poutine.
What's your name? seniordoodle ;)
I'm sorry, but I don't feel comfortable giving that information.
I'm actually going in for testing in about a week to see if I can donate anonymously. Sorry in advance for peppering you with questions. About how long did it take from the first blood test to actually donating? Do you think I'll be able to refuse painkillers? How was managing without after the first couple days? How's the scarring? (if that's alright to ask) Congratulations!
Mine took almost a year, but that was because of covid cancelling surgeries.
On average, maybe 6-8 months.
I took painkillers twice and felt that I didn't absolutely need them but they helped a lot. After the first 2 days pain is completely manageable.
Scarring is good! Recipients get way bigger and more visible scars, my main scar is pelvis area so it's covered all the time.
I know you're a great person for donating and helping out... but usually people donate less than 5 of them. So what's up with that? They're quitters or cowards!
How has your life changed after donating ? Did it pain during and after surgery ? Do you face issues daily ? It's only been a few weeks since donating, but really nothing's changed.
Pain was 8/10 for the first few days, then went to a 2/10 for another week. Today it's a 0/10.
0 issues daily!
I had an incredibly difficult time finding a kidney donor and ended up having to go abroad to be able to avoid dialysis. From the bottom of my heart, thank you. YOU ARE A HERO. My question: How did friends/family feel about your decision? Where they supportive? Family was the least supportive of (almost) anyone I told at first; they were mostly worried about my health, which is reasonable. They turned around and became huge supporters, my dad was with me in the hospital when I was recovering.
What kind of safety reasons prevent you from meeting the recipient? There have been stories of donors harassing the recipient for money or if the donor thinks the recipient isn't living a healthy lifestyle.
Also goes both ways though, some recipients will harass the donor with their thanks when the donor just wants to do a good deed without the praise.
You're a better man than me. I mean, you now have only one left, if something happens to your one remaining kidney you're in deep trouble. I'd be definitely willing to take that risk for a loved one I care about, and wouldn't have to think twice. But donating and not knowing where my kidney ends up is not for me. It might be someone with an extremely unhealthy lifestyle who will only end up ruining my kidney as well. It might be someone I don't want to save, for example like a child molester, murderer, racist. Doesn't it bother you that your kidney might have saved someone bad? I mean, I'd prefer saving a racist person over a murderer; you can learn to not be racist, you can't un-murder someone.
Joking aside, I assume the hospital reviews these people. The consideration that the recipient could be a bad person was there, and it's something I think about sometimes.
Is it true that, if you donate a kidney and later down the line you yourself need a kidney transplant, are you moved to the top of the recipient list? Yep! Only me though, my family won't get that preferential treatment.
Is it your own kidney that you donated? This time it was my own kidney...
How did you feel after the surgery? I also have one more unrelated question, how often do you say,"Eh?" Terrible at first, but was walking after a day and 3 weeks later I'm at 85%.
Less often than daily but not by much.
Did it feel like you had a gap or hole where the kidney used to be? Yeah!
There's a bit of a sunken-ness on the left of my stomach the kidney used to be, it's weird but I think it's filling out slowly.
so you did it for attention? ok i guess Did it for the 6 weeks off work.
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